Smells like mall spirit

Chad Strawderman Arizona Daily Wildcat

Judging by what I smell in class, Victoria's Secret has cornered the college-girl market. The store's main line, Victoria's Secret Garden, is overwhelmingly fruity and floral in equal measures. Douse yourself in Tranquil Breezes, a cucumber/melon medley, or Tender Musk, which got translated to Tender Mush in my notes; it fit either way. Enchanted Apple is the newest offering in this line, in case you want to smell like Snow White in a coma. And if that isn't quite fruity enough for you, the Temptations line takes it a step further with mango and guava and so on. A dizzying array of scents are available as shower gels, lotions, body talc, body splashes, hand & body cream, bubble bath, sachets and eau de toilette. They range from $7.50 to $9.50 - random and frequent "two for $12" offers notwithstanding.

Another new entry in the skin care sweepstakes is the Sensual Shapers line. Essentially a collection of cellulite busters, this is a trickle-down effect from the high-end cosmetics lines and a good excuse to charge you $15.00 for 1.6 ounces of Bust Firming Cream. It seems to me that if you need a firm bust, you've gotta be working with a lot of surface area, and 1.6 ounces isn't going to go very far.

Victoria's Secret in Park Mall is currently test marketing its line of cosmetics. If you've ever wondered what a Victoria's girl is supposed to look like, the answer is, apparently, a major vamp. These are colors and textures carefully designed to make one look like the star of an early Duran Duran video or the cover model of a Roxy Music album. The beauty industry is trying to convince us that the '70s shiny-face thing is back. Don't listen; they're lying.

Garden Botanika takes the opposite tack with its makeup line. Everything, and I mean everything, is natural. Natural Color Lipstick, Natural Pressed Powder, Natural Lush Mascara and Natural Color Concealer are among the cleverly titled cosmetics. If you ask me, not only is the use of the word "natural" to describe face paint rather odd, but using it this much is pretty ridiculous. The colors are nice, though, very earthy and soft - if you're into that kind of thing.

Botanika has its own line of fruit & floral smelly stuff, called Aromatics. The big seller here is Mango, which is a pretty pinkish-orange color and smells like a rum drink. The Aromatics shower gels, body lotions, etc. are lined up against one wall, creating a color spectrum effect.

Now, smelly stores aren't just about smells. The accessories are just as important. Sponges, loofahs, back brushes, scrubby gloves and massaging hairbrushes are also vital parts of the scent experience. Garden Botanika has this ... thing called "Sidney Greensheep" - a green sheep rag doll filled with lavender and peppermint stuff. He's an eye pillow, so you throw him across your face and relax. I love him. I may die without him.

Garden Botanika also sells scented stones. They're like potpourri, but they're rocks. Smelly rocks. There's also scented sea glass. Smelly debris. The home scents are nice, such as Guest House and Brownstone. The interesting twist in this line is that shower gel, body powder and body cream are available in the same scents as the candles and room spray. You can smell like your house.

Bath & Body Works, however, has the whole country house motif wrapped up. It has even moved into dinnerware and food. They stick to their theme, though; Sun-Ripened Raspberry is their best-selling scent, so Red Raspberry Vinegar and Red Raspberry Honey Mustard Pretzel Dip are prominent in the food line. Some of their scented offerings look disturbingly like food, too.

The Jelly Jar Scents ($5.50) are gelatinous blobs that smell of Happy Daisy, Sunshine & Breezes or Sun-Ripened Raspberry, placed in old-fashioned jelly jars with pretty lace doilies on top. Scented candles, unfortunately named Chubbies, smell lovely and last quite a long time.

Their body care line is called Fragrant Botanicals, and they certainly are fragrant. The fruit theme is big here. Country Apple, Strawberry Lemonade, Limeade and Peach are pungent enough to cause hunger pains if it's been awhile since your last trip to the food court. I, personally, could not live without B&B's Vanilla Bean Body Cream. Someone once told me it smells like Easter candy. There's a line of Fragrant Botanical Hair Care now available; "Now your hair can smell wonderful too" is the tag line. So if you've been dying to have pineapple-smelling hair, your day has come. If you draw the line at fruity hair, the Hairworks line is also at your disposal.

Speaking of hair, the Body Shop made its name originally on the strength of its Brazil Nut Shampoo. I can't stand the smell of it, but there are many other acceptable scents to be found in at least six different shampoos. Don't even get me started on the Tangerine Beer conditioner.

The packaging throughout the store is going upscale. Vanilla, White Musk, Ananya and Leap are the scents being pushed as perfume oil, eau de toilette, body lotion, shower gel, bath beads, soap and candles. Their immense tubs of Body Butter come in three formulations: Avocado (eeeew), Mango and Nut (read as "Peanut Butter").

A perfume bar offers essential oils that can be worn alone or added to unscented lotions, bath gels and bubble baths. Aromatherapy is big here, with five each of "refreshing" and "relaxing" potions. I think they all stink in a huge way.

The Body Shop's makeup is utilitarian and minimalist. It only recently started naming the lipsticks. Previously they were numbered, and I could never remember if I wore 01 or 10. I must take a moment to rave about their LipScuff. It's a strange little exfoliant for lips, like sandpaper lip gloss. But it works wonders and I love it, although it's a little painful.

Though they're beginning to shrug off that slightly crunchy, modern hippie aura they started with, the Body Shoppers are still very issue oriented. The AIDS Ribbon bracelet is placed in the impulse-buy seat of honor next to the register.

The original hippie scent outpost in Tucson is, of course, Body & Soul. Now nearly forgotten amidst the veritable potpourri of competitors, B&S continues to offer patchouli and sandalwood incense to those who need it most. It also carries Caswell-Massey soaps, bath gels, body powders and so on, as well as Scarborough scents like Spring Rain and Summer Hill that make good presents for your mom.

When I was in junior high, Body & Soul was often crowded on weekends with easily titillated teenagers gathered around the Oil of Love display. They still sell the oils, as well as a meager selection from the Kama Sutra Collection. Of course, now that they sell massage oil at the Gap, is anything truly risqu‚?

Ah, the Gap. It will eventually provide everything a consumer with everything could ever want. Their most recent foray is body and home fragrance. Day, Earth, Grass, Heaven, Dream and Om are available in a giddy array of mediums: shower gel, body lotion, the aforementioned massage oil, incense, candles and potpourri. The potpourri is visually striking; Grass is actual cuttings, Heaven is (disturbingly) white feathers. As much as I love all things Gap, everything except Om stinks.

As girly as these places are, concessions are made to the masculine gender. Every smelly store has plenty of men's scents. Victoria's Secret has the very manly Abercrombie & Fitch Woods, often available as a gift set with a pair of boxers (I told you it was manly).

Garden Botanika caters to the overly vain boy, with under-eye cream and oil-free face wash in their Botanika for Men line. Don't laugh. The vain boy in my life has been asking lately if his under-eye area is firm enough.

Bath & Body Works has four or five different scents for men. None are too adventurous; they all smell like a clean boy should smell, and there's nothing wrong with that. Its men's skin care line is small but effective. Vain Boy cannot live without his Exfoliating Face Scrub. I like it too.

Most of B&B's stuff is also sold in nifty travel kits, and what man can resist a nifty travel kit? The Body Shop has Activist and NoDebate for men.

I don't know if I'd like to hang out with someone who would go for scents with names like those. They do, however, have a really wow-cool travel razor that twists up and down from a tube.

Here's the main thing about smelly shops: Everyone who works in them is unbelievably perky.

It may be a weird aromatherapeutic side-effect from all that fruit tang. And don't even mention the word "gift." They'll be all over you like stink on a skunk, flinging gift baskets and boxes. But really, if you need smelly stuff, doesn't your mom need just as much? And your sister? And your best friend? Maybe you'll be as perky as the salespeople, if you can just surround yourself with enough scent.