Life in the Gay Lane

Chad Strawderman Arizona Daily Wildcat

Yes, I'm talking about gay bars. Why? Just to let some of you who think you may be open-minded (but still have a hint of narrow-mindedness in you) know that not everyone at a "gay bar" is gay or a lesbian and to give you an inside look at a few of these h avens of happiness.

In reality, gay bars are just the same as any other bar you might frequent, except they usually have better mixed drinks and better fashions. You might see a gaggle of people on the dance floor, at the bar or on the patio socializing; there is the usual t ons of flirting and macking. If you think you've seen it all at your neighborhood pub, then it'll be the same in a gay bar - except for the same-sex thing.

One recent Friday night, my mother Twanda and I went gay-bar-hopping. We went to three well-known local gay bars, which we felt were the better ones. Starting at 11 p.m. (since anyone who is anyone goes at that time), we danced and critiqued on until clos ing.

We started off at The Plug, 2520 N. Oracle Road. Really, that's the name of this establishment. Apparently, the owners did not relate the term "plug" to the gay community's possible use of sex toys. Go figure.

The Plug is scary on the outside -- and inside. It is painted all-black on the outside, without windows, and looks like a hideaway for mobster happenings.

The club has two dance floors, the main floor and a dance floor/room for drag shows. In the second room it was "Noche Latina" night (if you don't know what that is, channel Charo). I was lovin' it! Mother was not too enthused because there wasn't any Germ an polka or Judy Collins playing. He was also "scared," he said. The music was fun and catchy, the small crowd was having a good time, and I wanted to do a "cumbia." We should have stayed there, especially after seeing the other floor, which we left immed iately. On that floor were three dancers enclosed by chain link fence who all needed to find some rhythm, and of course a big-screen TV. That side of the bar was pretty empty due to the below-mediocre music playing and lack of atmosphere. But the entire clientele was not a bunch of fogies. Many young men and women were there to enjoy the shows, and probably not all of them were gay or lesbian.

Next stop was the Stonewall-Eagle, 2921 N. First Ave. This bar seemed to cater to an older crowd (30 and over). It is also not too visible to the naked eye. Just use your gaydar, or something like that when looking for this place.

This was a good night, because Twanda's mentor, Big Daddy, was the DJ. He was playing the bombs! A couple of young go-go dancers gyrated in mesh thong g-strings to the tunes. Yes, it was a lovely sight, and we were lucky enough to witness the whole thing. Now, go-go dancers are a good thing (don't get me wrong), but they were both Winters and needed to be wearing completely black underwear. I had to whip out the number for the Fashion Police at that moment.

The worst part of the experience was with one of the bartenders at the Stonewall. I didn't know I would need my machete to cut through his attitude. He obviously did not need to work for tips. I believe his tip from me was "Confucius say, 'Man with itchy booty wake up with smelly fingers.'" The best part of our visit was an elderly lady decked out in a jogging suit shuffling with extraordinary grace around the entire dance floor.

All in all, the club was alright. The music was good, the drinks were decent, but the dance floor was empty. Maybe Saturday is their night.

Around 12:15 we made it to, in my opinion, Tucson's best gay bar IBT's (a.k.a. It's 'Bout Time), 616 N. 4th Ave. The bar just screams, "Everyone come in, for it's nuthin' but a party in here!" It's very inviting. It has a good exterior color and is close to the street, with two entrances, appropriately in the front and back. The crowd is usually of the younger type (college age), and anyone who is anyone makes entrances throughout the night. They have theme nights and a drag show on Wednesdays. The girls performing work it well, leaving you breathless.

IBT's also has a patio, two bars, a friendly atmosphere and a weekend DJ, David Z, who is usually pretty good. The bartenders are funny, quick, attitude-less and work hard for their money, so you better treat them right. The dance floor is small, but when you dance, do you really want to be far away from your dance partner? I didn't think so.

There are other low-profile gay bars in Tucson aside from these three, of course, but some depict homosexual men as beings with nothing but sex on their mind, who, while in a butch act, rip apart condom packages with their teeth. All this in a simple, but large, mural for the world to see. Cute generalization. So, to the gay and straight people of the world, go to these bars, have fun and do a little jig for me.