By James Casey
Arizona Daily Wildcat
October 30, 1997

Killing the Pigeon:

Arizona Daily Wildcat Images courtsey of http://fractalcow.com/bert/

Recent information has surfaced to prove the worst of our fears: Bert, of "Sesame Street," is evil. The "Bert is Evil" website, dedicated to exposing the tyranny and evil that is Bert, has the pictures to prove it.

Designed by Dino Ignacio, a free-lance graphic designer in the Philippines, this page has many distasteful, but nonetheless clever, pictures and articles which show Bert to be involved in a variety of sinister occupations. These range from involvement in the Ku Klux Klan to being a confidant of Jeffrey Dahmer.

The page is loosely based around manipulated photos, to which textual commentary is added, resulting in brilliantly crafted satire. Bert appears in photos alongside Hitler, O.J. Simpson and Mr. Hooper, who was in fact believed to have been murdered by Bert. The instant effect is shock, as seeing childhood characters alongside monsters of history is somewhat disconcerting.

Interviews with various characters in "Sesame Street," such as Kermit the Frog, Elmo and Bert's best friend, Ernie, all reveal the hidden nature of the mono-browed muppet who supposedly, according to Cookie Monster, got most of the cast hooked on illegal narcotics. Cookie himself is a self-confessed weed fiend, whereas Grover and Forgetful Jones were both victims of acid.

One tasteless, but equally amusing, section is the e-mail correspondence between Jeffrey Dahmer and Bert, who met each other at an "evil persons convention," and exchanged information regularly. Bert is also accused of being a supplier to Mr. Dahmer, as he worked in a heavily child-concentrated work place. Sick? Yes. Disturbed? Maybe. Funny? Damn right.

Michael Jackson's perversion is also believed to have stemmed from his childhood abuse by Bert, who is clearly seen, in a manipulated photo, fondling a young Wacko Jacko. The Unabomber is also shown on the page, bearing a somewhat uncanny resemblance to our villain of the moment.

The page actually contains a note from the site's creator, written to the Children's Television Workshop. The note explains his purpose in creating this page, stating that he doesn't really think Bert is evil, although Mr. Hooper's untimely death caused him more grief than he's ever felt and started him on this path of moral destruction, into which Bert has innocently been swept.

Check out Bert's wickedness at http://fractalcow.com/bert/, and be prepared to feel sick while laughing out loud at the same time.