By James Casey
Arizona Daily Wildcat
February 5, 1998

Babes in toyland

Photo courtesy of Galoob. Arizona Daily Wildcat If You Wannabe Made of Rubber: The Spice Girls enter the toy market.

The whole Spice Girls phenomenon is getting far too much for me to comprehend. Two platinum compact discs, sticker books, clothing, watches - a movie . We have still yet to see the line of Spice Girls make up (Victoria), chocolate (Emma), wrinkle cream (Geri), amphetamines (Mel B) or legal steroids (Mel C), but the next best (or worst ) thing is already here: Barbie-esque action figures.

Each Spice doll measures a lofty 11 inches and has likewise lofty proportions compared to their real life counterparts. Baby seems to have magically relieved herself of one of her chins, whereas Geri appears to have discovered a fountain of youth taking years of pornographic strain from her face.

Every Spicey is clad in her trademark fashion. Ginger wears the Union Jack, Baby has a sparkly pink tent with teddy bear rucksack, Posh looks ready to work the street in oh-so sophisticated spandex, Sporty has a tracksuit for shopping center rumbles and Scary dons a frightening jungle print dress. The real bargain, though, is the extremely low price of a Spice doll. About $15 will get you one spice, the whole rack will run you $75.

There is some retribution in buying these siren figures, though - buy a set of dolls today, keep them for ten years then sell them and put your kids through college with the profits. Yeah, right.

In 2008 the Spice Girls will be just as popular as Wham! is today. I'm still looking for the 'George Michael and The Other Guy' figures in every collectibles store (complete with see through mesh tank tops only, of course).

The Spice figures also come with "fab accessories," such as microphones, a boom box and a television camera. What would the Spices be without their mics? (Wait, don't answer that.)

Each Girl comes in her own custom box with a printed silver autograph on the front. On the back is a fact-file on each member. Unfortunately, there seems to be no mention of Geri's previous career as a page three sex star on the back of her box ("Girl Power," indeed).

Anyway, you may scoff now, but I'm sure that many of you already own a doll, and if not, plan to buy one soon. After all, Barbie's getting lame and these are the shit - because beneath all the sarcasm, jokes and anti-spice slander, there's a love and respect for the Spice Girls in us all and a Spice Girl in every one of us.