Tele-politics

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat Ryan Chirnomas

The other is our religion. In the good ol' U.S. of A., our almighty Lord is fame. TV and the silver screen are our altars, and TV Guide is our Holy Scripture. It only stands to reason that these two principles would eventually converge.

It all started innocently enough. After a pretty successful movie career, Ronald Reagan decided to make a run for the position of California governor in 1966. Whether as a result of his name recognition or politics, he won. Some 14 years later, he was living in the White House.

And then there's Howard. In 1994, Howard "King of All Media" Stern decided to run for governor of New York, as a Libertarian. Luckily for the state of New York, and society at large, Howard lost.

However, the fact that a few thousand New Yorkers wanted a man whose favorite topicsof discussion include genital warts and penis enlargements to be their next governor makes me want to puke.

This election year, those crazy New Yorkers were up to it again. No, Howard Stern didn't run again, but Al Lewis did. Don't recognize the name? Perhaps you might know him better as his alter ego, Grandpa Munster, from the old TV show The Munsters. Although the New York courts did not allow him to officially run as "Grandpa," Al Lewis' name appeared on the ballot next to the Green Party (whatever the hell that is).

Not surprisingly, Lewis didn't win. What is frightening however, is that nearly 50,000 New Yorkers, or about 1 percent of the voting public, decided that it was in the Empire State's best interest to be run by a man who spent much of the '60s fiddling around in a laboratory underneath the stairs at 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

But the big story on everybody's lips these day is up in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. As you probably already know, Minnesota's new governor is none other than former WWF wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Sounding more like a Saturday Night Live sketch than reality, "The Body" managed to put 37 percent of voters in a half-Nelson to win the race. Maybe this is the dawn of new golden age. Perhaps we should change our motto from "E Pluribus Unum" to "The USA - where 98 percent of states are governed by liberty and justice, 2 percent by no-holds-barred wrestling."

Oh sure, laugh now. Don't forget that we, the great state of Arizona, used to be the political laughingstock of the country, as Minnesota now is. While our political offices have not yet been graced by any celebrities, we have had our share of humiliating political fiascoes.

Basically, the office of Arizona governor follows a pattern like this: Con man, scandal, old lady, repeat.

In America, we are given two political rights. The right to vote, and the right not to vote. Should you choose the former, use it responsibly.

Try to keep that in mind, otherwise we may one day find ourselves grooving at the inauguration of the President Formerly Known As Prince.

Ryan Chirnomas is a molecular and cellular biology senior and can be reached via e-mail at Ryan.Chirnomas@wildcat.arizona.edu. His column, In Hasselhoff We Trust, appears every Monday.