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The War Room

For a betting man in Vegas, here's a guarantee.

Bet the house that Paul Tagliabue won't say "and with the first pick in the 2000 NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns select Arizona placekicker Mark..."

Scratch that, if you know who I am talking about, you know that he doesn't need anymore ridicule.

Most likely when Tagliabue steps up to the podium he will replace the words Mark.... with LaVar Arrington.

Arrington, the robot that loves to punish small punters, will take his machine-like attitude to the Dogpound in Cleveland and they will bark him all the way to a 5-11 season.

Arrington's college mate from Penn State, Courtney Brown, who may be a bit more human except for the fact his arms span is the length of Shawn Bradley and Manute Bol put together, will be the first selection for Washington.

The Redskins, who also have the third pick in the draft will select the most likely candidate to win the Rookie Criminal of the Year award, Peter Warrick.

Not because of his past history as an actor in a movie put on by Dillard's, but because he went to Florida State.

If Warrick can keep himself on the field and away from the men on horses surrounding the field - security guards for the slow readers of the bunch - than he has the possibility to be the next great wide receiver in the NFL.

Cincinnati has the fourth pick, but when it comes down to it, does it really matter who they pick? Most likely it will be someone who is a major bust and the Bengals will continue to stink.

However, since they have to ruin someone's career, let it be left tackle Chris Samuels of Alabama.

Baltimore, who may be the most improved team in the league next year, selects Corey Simon of Florida State at No. 5.

Philadelphia will continue its 100-year rebuilding plan by selecting running back Thomas Jones of Virginia - or the most likely bust of NFL Draft. They will select him despite the fact they already have a solid running back in Duce Staley. And so the Eagles rebuilding process continues with hopes of a bad season and another top draft pick next April.

You (Los Angeles) Cardinals fans will be happy because the Redbirds will select running back Jamal Lewis of Tennessee and he will actually fit in nicely with the desert and then the ocean.

At No. 8 the Pittsburgh Steelers need a big wide receiver because that is about all that Kordell Stewart can hit. Plaxico Burress is his name and the former Spartan will be the best thing for Stewart, although "Slash" will most likely find himself with splinters in his butt by week eight. Again, that means on the bench for the slow folks out there.

Chicago and Baltimore round out the top 10 and the Bears will get the steal of the draft in Brian Urlacher from New Mexico, while the Ravens will take Shaun Alexander of Alabama.

Urlacher could prove to be the best defensive player in the draft and Alexander will give the Ravens the solid No. 1 running back that Priest Holmes isn't.

But that isn't all of it folks, this draft goes on for two days. Happy drafting, and keep the beer cold and the grill hot.