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Anti-Semitic and pathetic

Jews are taking over the world. I once was blind, but now I see. The newsroom here at the Wildcat was fortunate enough to receive a highly informative letter about the Jewish religion and its passive attempt at world domination. This document has really opened my eyes to the way the world truly works. I really don't know how I missed it before; it's just so completely obvious.

According to this anonymous, eight-page document, they have been up to it for centuries now, and their success has never been more apparent. My first question about this was how they could have plotted and conspired for so long and so effectively outside of the knowledge of the rest of the world. Are they really that sneaky? I was surprised to find that they are even sneakier than I thought. According to this letter, they are so crafty that they have never even had to organize. Apparently, this drive is so deeply imbedded into their subconsciousness that they don't even know they're doing it. Now that is sneaky. Next, I wondered just how they were going about this attempted global control. Well, let me just say that this terribly informative document refused to let me down.

Apparently, when Jews first came to this country "most were without much education or wealth, but they immediately and almost unanimously emphasized higher education for their children." Unheard of. How can we goyim compete with such tactics? After this act of utter brilliance, they began to get good jobs with positions that came with a certain degree of power. This began to become particularly detrimental to the rest of us when Jews started to obtain power in publishing houses, newspapers and the various entertainment industries. The "Jewish Media" is where their true power lies.

This letter states that, "The Jews have dominated the major national news and entertainment media in the United States since about the turn of the century." They get in positions of power then staff Jews and gentiles that they like. I work for a newspaper, and I have never felt more used. With control over the media, they can report to the world what they want the world to hear and according to this letter, they want to do everything in their power to further Jewish ideals. But, like I said before, they are so sneaky that they don't even know that they're doing it. Brilliant.

But how can we combat such brilliance? The Jews already have control. Is all hope lost? Have they already won? I can only see one chance for those of us born to the non-Jewish variety - conversion. The existing Jews will never expect it. According to the letter, what they really want is control over the gentiles, so if we all convert to Judaism (and I think it should happen all at once in some kind of worldwide ceremony) we will undermine everything they have spent centuries trying to accomplish. Even though they don't know that they are trying to accomplish it. It is really the only answer.

I, of course, am just kidding. There are some people who would argue that this brand of rash anti-Semitism is very serious, and there is no room in it for kidding. While I agree that it is serious, I think that joking about people that are so pathetic that they have to blame a phantom menace for their place in society is perfectly acceptable. The kind of people that buy into this anti-Semitic garbage are people that are unhappy in their miserable lives, and instead of standing up and trying to improve them, they whine and complain and imagine reasons as to how or why they got where they are.

This letter really did open my eyes, but not in the way that it intended. I now see that there is no limit to what people can convince themselves of to explain their own misery. This letter went on to say things like the Holocaust didn't really happen, Jews were responsible for Communism and that they were behind the women's liberation movement but only for the purpose of degrading gentile men. With all these outlandish statements though, it provided not a single scrap of proof. I almost wish that I could print this letter with my column so that every one of you could see what true ignorance looks like and get as big a laugh out of it as I did.