"Could you slow down, John?" are the first words I say after introducing myself to John Dwyer, the lead singer of Coachwhips. I have to say this because he's speaking way too quickly, beyond my comprehension really. But he's funny and extremely intelligent. Possibly coked out of his mind, but good.
"You should be a court reporter if you can type this fast," John said.
"Yeah, I really can't type this fast," I said, not wanting him to slide out of this freewheeling dialogue. So he slows down enough for me to make out almost every other word, and I begin to get intimate with John Dwyer.
Coachwhips have just released Bangers Versus Fuckers, a fast-paced, sweaty rock 'n'roll album that doesn't suck. Kind of a rarity lately.
When trying to think of what Coachwhips sound like, imagine what The White Stripes want to sound like: bluesy, garage rock ... but with way more balls than Jack White. Throw in some keyboards (keyboards aren't lame yet, right?) and shorten the song by a half.
"I've heard (that we sound like The White Stripes) before. Possibly, maybe, The White Stripes on bad amphetamines," Dwyer said.
That is Dwyer, shrugging off musical references and quickly changing topics, so it's best to go along with it. We move on to a unique thank-you on the CDs liner notes, in which Coachwhips give a nod to their friend for teaching them "non-abrasive sexual tactics."
"That's to a friend. Kip Malone. He's kind of a passive sexual predator; girls fall into his web because of his mellowness. I mean his intentions are still the same, but no one thinks so. Kip's sweet, though," Dwyer said.
Sex seems to be a recurring theme in the songs on the album. Although one wonders where else Dwyer finds inspiration, possibly in the long working week.
"What do I do during the day? You know, I don't have a job. I just book tours, drink a lot ... hit on girls, 15-year-olds. I like them, they look good on a dashboard."
Poetry. This man and this band are going places. In fact Dwyer is going places immediately; he is done with the interview. He asks me to excuse him because he would like to get a cold beer. He's in an uncomfortable suit and he's injured his balls on a photo shoot earlier. But rest assured, the picture turns out well. Before going, Dwyer talks about Coachwhips' stage presence.
"Coachwhips are straight up id; there's a moment of escapism, when we're playing and hopefully for the audience as well. The worst thing is an apathetic crowd. I like a rowdy crowd. I lie a lot on the mic; I'll make fun of people like this drunk guy at our last show. I named him Duffy and started insulting him, and the rest of the audience knew, but he had no idea. He caught on after a half-hour or so."
Immediately, the phone is handed to the drummer Matt Hartman, and he talks about contemporary turntable-ism.
"We were invited to play a house party, which is our favorite, and when we got to the apartment there was a DJ. Actually, the guy who invited us didn't live there but the people who did were cool with it. But they had to ask the DJ. He got all bent out of shape about it, but you can always hit pause. I mean which would you rather see a real band or a guy spinning a record? These guys feel like even though they can't play an instrument, they can whip up a bitchin' mix," said Hartman.
Coachwhips are going to be busy this year with what Dwyer promises to be an even more extreme follow-up and a series of 7-inch splits that will eventually be turned into an album.
Coachwhips run back and forth between venues tonight, with shows at Skrappys, 201 E. Broadway Blvd., at 7 and at Club Congress, 311 E. Congress St., at 10.