Freshman has taupe brain, uses cigarettes, crutches as his weapons
Wildcat: I'm Claire from the Arizona Daily Wildcat and you're on the spot. Judging by the wrap you have around your wrist and the crutch, it looks pretty safe to say that somebody beat the crap out of you.
Malkiewicz: Actually, believe it or not, it's from volleyball. There was a sliding incident at the net and that injured the toe. And then I popped the tendon in my wrist, hitting the ball up.
Wildcat: Did this volleyball incident involve any drunkenness?
Malkiewicz: No! The people in the ER also came in and were like, "So, were ya drinkin?" And no, no · I wasn't drunk.
Wildcat: Well then, I would suggest that you never drink. Anybody with that much of a propensity to hurt themselves should probably stay in a plastic bubble.
Malkiewicz: I'll file that one away and save it for later then.
Wildcat: So what color do you think your brain is?
Malkiewicz: I'd have to say taupe.
Wildcat: Taupe is pretty bland.
Malkiewicz: So am I.
Wildcat: I probably don't have a color. I'm blonde, so it's likely that I don't have a brain.
Malkiewicz: You're quicker than I am.
Wildcat: That's really not saying all that much.
Malkiewicz: Ouch. Touchˇ.
Wildcat: So, I only see one crutch. Do you have to keep your smoking hand free?
Malkiewicz: Yes, yes I do. This isn't even amusing for you! You're just tearing me apart!
Wildcat: Do you usually throw your burning cigarettes into highly flammable brush?
Malkiewicz: Not always, but it just happens to be there right now · smoldering. Normally, it's a projectile weapon.
Wildcat: You haven't flung a butt at me yet.
Malkiewicz: You haven't turned around to walk away yet.
Wildcat: You wanna go? Man, I'll come back and beat you with yo' own crutch.
Malkiewicz: I've got another one öö we'll duel!