The world of Internet cinema rarely gets its due. Despite millions of viewers every day, most mainstream media organizations just don't get excited about a pudgy Canadian middle schooler's "Star Wars" fantasy, or a Japanese pop group's biblical interpretations. In the interest of giving some much needed hard-copy publicity to up-and-coming cultural icons (and stealing some of Peter Jackson's thunder), here are the best and brightest of Internet cinema.
Minor celebrity, motorist, philosopher: All of these words describe Oakland, Calif., icon Bubb Rubb, but none is adequate to express the charisma exuded by the man. In defense of the loud and obnoxious "whistle tip" fad that swept exhaust pipes across the nation, Rubb says, "That's only in the morning, like when you're making breakfast for somebody. It's like an alarm clock: woo-woo!" In addition to his sage-like status on the streets of Oakland, Rubb is also an innovative driver, as evidenced by his demonstration of the ear-shattering whistle tip. Rubb starts his car, veers into oncoming traffic, then almost hits a parked car, only to straighten out, swerve back to the right side of the street and run a stop sign. Woo-woo!
Technical Virgins - technicalvirgin.com.
If you're a virtuous girl who still wants to get her rocks off, there aren't many options. In fact, according to the commercials on technicalvirgin.com, there are only two: anal sex or a vibrator. Thank God these videos are here to inform and instruct. Who knows how many crazy freshman coeds would resort to abstinence if it weren't for these fun and creative ways to keep your virginity while learning to enjoy carnal pleasures. These videos have been around for a while, but their ability to prove that technical virginity can still be dirty makes them worthy of a mention.
Whether it's flatulence deodorizers (flat-d.com), a bucket of money (matthewlesko.com) or just the truth (rightwingnews.com) you're looking for, the Web is the place to find it. Recently, I was feeling as if I had seen everything worth seeing on the Internet. One of the problems I have with the Internet is that after a half-hour of looking around, the search turns into a porn quest. This time, I have embraced self-control and promised my computer that we would have "special time" later. There is an excess of bullshit on the Web, but had I taken full advantage of all of it? My guess was no. To be sure, I scoured the dingiest corners of cyberspace and came up with a list of the places you might have missed.
Absolutely the top choice for Japanese pop-culture products, J-List has all the products that have let the Japanese ascend to the godlike status their culture rests at. For example: mint-flavored eyedrops ($12) and bamboo ear cleaners ($2.50). There's even a filter at the main page so you don't have to look at adult products. However, I don't know what's adult about a "Hello Kitty" pen-sized shoulder massager.
The best way to fight the man is to know his strategy. Adbusters will help you with that mission. Also a printed magazine, Adbusters actively informs about corporations, their shady dealings and the news you should be hearing.
If you are going to look at porn, why not make it good porn? With more than 200 punk rock, goth and emo girls, Suicide Girls takes the tasteful approach to erotica. There are also news sections and interviews to the tune of David Cross, Bernardo Bertolucci and Lemmy from metal band Motorhead. The only drawback is the $9 join fee, but it costs to be well-informed and aroused simultaneously.
You know that guy who's always telling you about the latest band? It's time to school that guy. Now you know the secret; it's Epitonic. The site is constantly updated and allows any user to download free MP3s. Searches can be based on genre, artist, top downloads or newest releases. It seems like a basic service that should have been provided years ago. And maybe it was, but I just found out about it.