On the spot


By Claire C. Laurence
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Monday, April 19, 2004

UAPD officer a 'Jackass' pioneer, but won't run through bees

Wildcat: I'm Claire from the Daily Wildcat and you're on the spot. So what exactly are ya'll protecting us from?

Shcopner: Well, there was a sudden swarm of bees around the Park Student Union ... so we came out to make sure that no one got stung.

Wildcat: Are these "killer bees"? I heard that there were like 50,000 of them swarming.

Shcopner: Well, we're not sure at this point. A crew that has been contracted out has responded, and they'll probably have a better idea than we do. But I've heard that basically every bee in Tucson is a killer bee.

Wildcat: So these exterminators are just walking around in the swarm without any nets or goggles on - and I think I saw them eating the bees, too. Doesn't that seem kinda stupid to you?

Shcopner: I wouldn't do it, but the one guy said he gets stung hundreds of times a day, so I guess he's used to it by now.

Wildcat: I think I'd sting someone if they tried to turn me into a snack. Would you jump on the hive to protect us?

Shcopner: Jump on the hive? I think I'd take measures before I'd jump on the hive.

Wildcat: You mean you wouldn't jump on the hive for me?

Shcopner: Uh ... I think I'd probably pull you out of there before I'd actually jump on the hive.

Wildcat: So what's the craziest or dumbest thing that you've ever done?

Shcopner: Well, probably jumping off the roof on my bike into a pool.

Wildcat: Were you trying to start a "Jackass" following?

Shcopner: I guess you could say that I was a pioneer of my time.

Wildcat: Would you run through the swarm naked and covered in honey? Because I certainly would.

Shcopner: Umm ... no, I wouldn't do that. There's no way.

Wildcat: I'm a little bit allergic to bees but it would only hurt for a little bit, right?

Shcopner: Sure, it'd be worth the buck.