Maybe I'm getting a little sentimental now that graduation's rapidly nearing, but more likely I'm just being the genuine individual I am when I say that Tucson is the best city on Earth.
Now I know what you're thinking: "Sabrina, that's a bald-faced lie, and your sophisticated glasses aren't fooling anybody."
But try putting your excellent points aside for just one moment and listen. I, too, was initially disappointed by Tucson. Its downtown was hardly impressive on the horizon, and its mountains were drab. And unlike the Midwest, which regularly deals with floods and tornadoes, Tucson didn't have any fun, natural disasters for me to chase around. Furthermore, aside from multicolored adobe houses and an obsession with gravel front yards, cactuses and other Southwestern decor, Tucson didn't seem to have much culture.
But you know what? I was wrong on all counts.
First, Tucson is built in a breathtaking environment. At no time is mankind's ingenuity more admirable than when he's struggling to survive the oppressive heat and summer monsoons. Additionally, we are in the middle of a natural disaster right now: a drought. And what do droughts lead to, especially when we help them along a little? Wildfires! So if kayaking down the streets in a summer flood, dodging stalled snowbirds' cars isn't exciting enough, how about you light a fire and then challenge your friends to a contest. Whoever can rescue the most woodland creatures before the mountainside is consumed wins a potted, life-renewing cactus to plant in the charred foothills (because it's always a good idea to leave things as you found them, especially in such a biologically diverse setting). Squirrels count for one point, bobcats as 10, mountain lions are minus 50, especially if they try to convince you that they "won't attack you again."
But the outdoors isn't for everyone, and that's OK; there's plenty to do in the city itself, as long as you don't want to stay out any later than 9 p.m. After hitting up the nearest McDonald's, head out to Fourth Avenue or any number of rundown, middle-age-populated bars around town (which are now, just in time for my departure, pushing their last call back to 2 a.m.). There are also coffee shops that sell lemon pound cake, grocery stores and dry cleaners, from which you can watch police cars fly by.
If you're looking for a quiet and fulfilling night on the town, however, go to any bus stop to converse with the local homeless. They have endless tales about their travels, as well as a plethora of knowledge about urban survival on a budget.
After roasting marshmallows, take a ride on the Sun Tran together, getting lost somewhere past Swan Road as the sun sets and the next bus never shows. In short, be spontaneous now and then. You'll be glad you did.
Tucson also has a wealth of cultural opportunities. Hit up the Renaissance Fair or the world-renowned Rodeo Day (but mark them on your calendars, as unfortunately they come to town but once a year). Catch an expensive movie or musical with the white-hair-and-pearls crowd, or watch a performance by an untalented band on the Mall. Visit the richly populated zoo, and acquire a pet from Reid dog park while no one's looking. Take a picnic and learn to identify the military planes while they cruise overhead as you nibble on agave. Kick pigeons. Steal someone's Frisbee or dive for pennies in the Old Main fountain.
And while you're there, admire Tucson's unique and exotic taste in clothing. After all, very few locations boast the variety of butt shorts and greek event T-shirts. If you have the time and money for dues, you can collect them all. Buy one of those wretched pucker-topped dresses. Look in the mirror and convince yourself it won't make you look fat, especially if you stop eating.
In short, whether it's driving your 4x4 on Tucson's cracking streets as the entire town sinks deeper into the water-robbed aquifers, firing off rifles at the helicopters passing overhead, or rolling down the suicide lane one last time before it gets eliminated, you can never run out of things to do if you look hard enough. The people who say Phoenix, Los Angeles and New York City are more interesting are closing their eyes and, worse, closing their minds and hearts.
So here's to Tucson, the greatest city on Earth. I'll miss it come May, when I get the hell out as soon as possible.
Sabrina Noble is a senior majoring in English and creative writing. She can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.