On the Spot


By Nathan Tafoya
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Monday November 17, 2003

Senior reminisces about passing notes in middle school during Milton Marathon reading

Wildcat: Hi my name's Nathan and you're On the Spot. Isn't this scandalous, writing my On the Spot in the middle of a Milton Marathon reading?

Medina: Yes. Scandalous is exactly the word.

Wildcat: Are you having recurrent flashbacks of your days in middle school, passing notes while Professor Ulreich watches over us? Sneaky sneaky.

Medina: How true. Except we were extra sneaky in middle school. We had a fun little notebook that we passed around. We were dorks. We even passed it off to look like a textbook so we wouldn't get caught. So, how come you chose the Milton reading to find your latest victims?

Wildcat: I'm also doing a legitimate story. Do you realize there is a picture of a naked Adam and Eve on the screen up front? Is this porno?

Medina: It can't be considered porno. If it's in an English book, then they get to call it art. I think they don't want readers to get bored, so they throw in some boobs.

Wildcat: I see. That girl in front of us has weird toes, huh? She keeps putting her feet up on the chair.

Medina: Yeah! I noticed. She better watch out. She's gonna get some kind of foot fungi. I mean, who knows, what happens to these chairs once we all leave?

Wildcat: Right on. I'm wearing dirty underwear and my funk is seeping into my chair as we speak. If she was putting her feet on my chair after I'd left, her toes would fall off or something.

Medina: That's disgusting. What is with boys and dirty underwear? So are you a boxers or briefs kind of guy?

Wildcat: Boys are just dirty. Dirty minds or dirty clothes. I don't know. Anyways, I wear both. Briefs for security, boxers for the cool look. Not that it matters, 'cause no one sees me pantless. Hey, it's almost my time to read.

(Wildcat reads from "Paradise Lost" for five minutes)

Wildcat: By Jove, methinks my sinless reading performance would scorch the borders of hell. 'Twas fantastical. What thinkest thou?

Medina: Well, you only slipped up once or twice, so I'd definitely put you up there with "fantastical."