Let's play some word association. Who do you think of when you hear the phrase "funny white rapper?"
Do you think of Eminem? Wrong.
Vanilla Ice? Wrong again. Plus, he's dead - isn't he?
What you should be thinking is "Grand Buffet." They're a hip-hop duo (Lord Grunge does the production and music while Grape-a-Don provides lyrics) from Pittsburgh, but they've got the funniest rhymes this side of Detroit.
Grand Buffet, who tours incessantly on the reputation of its awesome live show, is playing at Solar Culture, 31 E. Toole Ave., tonight at 9. The show is all-ages and costs only $6. And if this interview the Wildcat conducted with Lord Grunge doesn't convince you to check them out, remember, as far as food-inspired aliases go, Grape-a-Don is 10 times cooler than Vanilla Ice ever was.
Wildcat: Wesley Willis passed away last year. What was it like touring with him?
Lord Grunge: Touring with Wesley Willis was amazing. He was one of the most inspirational people I've ever met. I think about him every day.
Wildcat: Who has been your favorite band to tour with?
Lord Grunge: As far as a favorite band to tour with, I've got to give daps to our brothers from Ohio, Gil Mantera's Party Dream. Check them out at partydream.com. We just toured with them last week; it was sheer insanity. A mortal's head would've exploded, there was so much hot shit going down.
Wildcat: Okay. A Snoop Dog party stops at 6 in the morning. A Ludacris party stops at 8 in the morning. What time does a Grand Buffet party stop?
Lord Grunge: A Grand Buffet party consists of pizza, orange soda, and the two of us holding hands until we nod off. But a Lord Grunge party doesn't stop until every bottle of liquor is bone dry, every last bump of coke has been snorted, and every last hooker has been hate-fucked into a coma.
Wildcat: Your CDs are really, really funny. But do you hate when people ask if you're a joke band?
Lord Grunge: It's a sad situation. It used to bother me, but then I realized that if people thought we were nothing more than a joke band, that meant that they were stupid.
Wildcat: How do the two of you split the songwriting process?
Lord Grunge: It varies, but for the most part I handle the production and mixing, and my man Jackson, aka Grape-a-Don, handles the lyrics.
Wildcat: You have the reputation of being a great live band. Why should people go see you play?
Lord Grunge: I think people should go see us play because of our reputation as a great live band.
Wildcat: Grand Buffet tours all the time. Can you tell me one thing that's happened on tour that made you want to go home?
Lord Grunge: That's a cool-slash-cute question. I'm feeling this urge to reveal myself to you emotionally, but I'm going to resist the temptation and answer with some less personal shit. We played in Oklahoma City. The club wouldn't let us load in until way late, so we went and ate at this dog shit, over-priced seafood joint. Twenty minutes before showtime, I shit my pants. And I mean I really shit my pants. Explosive style. That was a pretty tough hurdle to get over. Definitely wouldn't have minded being teleported back to my crib at that point. But I pulled through and rocked the show.
Wildcat: Also, what do you usually listen to while you're on tour?
Lord Grunge: All types of shit. The staples are the Geto Boys, D-Man, and Shania Twain. I think this tour's gonna be all about Kiss, Journey and Bubba Sparks.
Wildcat: How did you get the name Grand Buffet? And ... what would have to be on the menu for a Grand Buffet?
Lord Grunge: I dug the name because it was totally arbitrary. I guess I wasn't thinking about all the goddamned times drunk assholes would come up to us and say, "Hey man, I seriously thought there was gonna be food here!" But while we're on the subject, an actual buffet, in order to be awesome, has got to have lots of bacon, grits and bottomless Cokes.