Freshman claims to be an "all-star," but can't even beat a Wildcat reporter at basketball
Wildcat: (walking up to a group of guys shooting hoops, and after some preliminary introductions ·) Hi, my name's Nathan and you're on the spot. Why were you so emphatic about this?
Garrity: The interview? Because I'm an all-star at life. I don't know.
Wildcat: All right, you're an all-star? I challenge you to a game of what · three · five?
Garrity: All right. I'm going to get killed.
(We squared off. Time slowed. Despite my docile moves and ballerina twists, Garrity led me, 3-0. With mounting pressure to represent the Arizona Daily Wildcat, I took it to the next level, and came away with the win. Final score: 5-3)
(Friend on sideline shouts to Garrity, "You're off our team.")
Garrity: (with hands on knees) Good game, man.
Wildcat: (between breaths) Nice game. I thought I was going to suck like Texas. But hey, you're an all-star. You've got a girlfriend and I don't so · I saw you kissing her on the court earlier.
Garrity: Oh. Right on.
Wildcat: So what are you guys doing out here today?
Garrity: It's just the most beautiful day it's been in like, two weeks, and we just came to play ball.
Wildcat: Definitely. Are you in the ROTC right next door?
Garrity: No, no.
Wildcat: Man, I've always wanted to just · I always have this terrible urge every time I see a Navy person in their whites · to put my dirty footprints all over their clothes. Maybe we can attribute your loss to your shorts sagging down really far.
Garrity: True. (examining himself). You can do the shorts ÷
Wildcat: See, I already had excuses prepared. I was going to use my sprained ankle.
Garrity: My shorts, definitely ÷ the wind, the sun, smoking. It's all just a huge ball that's coming against me.
÷ Interview by Nathan Tafoya