What do you get when you mix a Jew, a bar, and a prostitute? An excruciating movie with uncomfortable sex scenes, no plot and a cast of unknown actors who should stay that way.
"Holy Land" had no movement; it stayed in the same place the whole two hours. And let me say, that place was incredibly boring.
OK, here's what it was supposed to be: a coming of age story mixed in with a love story between Mendy (Oren Rehany), a rabbinical student, and Sasha (Tchelet Semel), a Russian prostitute.
Here's what really happened. Jew gets horny. Jew goes to strip club. Jew meets Russian prostitute. He has some weird uncomfortable feeling for her, but is unable to express it through any sort of emotional acting. Prostitute has sex with everyone else in the movie but him.
Somewhere in the middle there's drugs and alcohol and a few random characters, including the insane bar owner Mike (Saul Stein). Prostitute sees Jew's American passport and blatantly pretends to fall in love with him so she can go to America.
But like all great classic fairytales, it had to end. He realizes she can't even kiss him and the horny Jew has to go home to Mommy.
Oh, and don't forget the surprise ending that lasts all of 10 seconds.
There are two really big problems I saw in this movie.
Let's start with the fact that there is no love story, because she doesn't love him. In fact, throughout the whole movie, you're not even sure if she even likes him, something due to the lack of chemistry between the actors.
There was also no coming of age theme to the film, as the director promised. The only thing Mendy learned was that he was unattractive and too young to be screwed by a hooker, even for an American passport.
The whole theme was that he was supposed to learn from his experiences in Jerusalem and want to return home to his religion. But he didn't go home because he wanted to be a rabbi, because he found God or because he wanted to repent for his sins. He left because she went upstairs to have sex with Mike.
I don't know about you, but that's no coming of age story I would like to experience.
The only thing I can say Gorlin did right was his portrayal of Israel. The setting was realistic and also revealed a side of Israel most people don't know about: the bars, the tourists and the nightlife that most Americans probably forget it has.
Throughout his film, Gorlin also subtly incorporated the reality of the violence Israel is experiencing.
But, even with great scenery, a film needs to keep its audience wanting more.
All I could think about when I left the theater was, "It's just too bad the movie wasn't as quick as Mendy's hand job from Sasha."