In the first of what promises to be an inspired series of word-filled books on subjects, The Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance gives us Volume 1.
"Giraffes? Giraffes!" violently attacks the reader with vibrant Photoshop-ed images, informative diagrams of tree trunk cross-sections and an endless onslaught of untrue, yet often hilarious facts about the mysterious world of the giraffe.
Ostensibly written by Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey and her fun-loving husband Benny, "Giraffes? Giraffes!" is 63 pages of preposterous lies, insults to the reader, self-indulging tangents and good times.
In the introduction, Dr. H-O-W delivers the five rules of reading the book. Number two: "Wash your filthy face." She also congratulates the readers on their good taste for, like her, disliking hummus.
Without giving away some of the better historical and scientific fallacies about giraffes, the following are clips of giraffe-related information:
Not of earthly origin. Made of gears, clocks and juices. A Giraffe-Giant Panda War in 120 A.D. Sworn enemies include toucans and Matthew Perry. Giraffe brain is equivalent to eleven human brains. Do not believe in subleasing. Master sailors and boat-craftsmen. Eaters of bread sandwiches.
Wasserman has created a masterwork of book design. From the gold-embossed cover, to the children's book-like illustrations, to the slot in the back for postcards and field research guides, the book is beyond detailed and offers endless surprises and delights.
The seven-page spread of the world's best looking giraffes is breathtaking. The re-creations of famous oceanic battle scenes using Fig Newtons are inspired. And don't tell any giraffes, but there is a page written in type too small for giraffes to read, which gives up many secrets about giraffes that they wouldn't want you to know. Crazy secrets.
Like almost all things humorous, not all of the jokes are funny. Some fall flat; others are driven into the ground. But, on the whole, the good stuff sticks.
There's a lot to be said for humor that is this inventive. So you might get a little annoyed when Dr. H-O-W refers to animals as "aminals." That's OK. It won't ruin your day, or the enjoyment of this fine little reference book.
If silliness, glee, stupidity, fun and happiness aren't your thing, then you probably eat hummus, and would hate this book. For everyone else, this is probably the greatest coffee-table book of all time (except maybe Kramer's).
I cannot wait for the next book in this series. Will Dr. H-O-W address "Why We're All Usually Sleepy" or "Plants: Where Are They Now?" Or will it be "Palindromes - In Outer Space!"
I really don't care; I'll buy it immediately. In the meantime, I'll hold my own giraffe book close to me, polish its shiny spine, and never again wonder who controls what I see in the mirror.