It was Wednesday morning, and dorm residents and greeks alike expected to awake to the reassuring sound of whirring vacuums and the pleasant humming of cleaning maids, proof that all was well in the warm cocoon of the young and affluent. But there would be no humming on that sad morning, and it can all be blamed on everyone's favorite villain: the UA administration.
"I mean, I was, like, stripped of my dignity here. My clothes were all left where I had thrown them, my tanning goggles are totally lost and all of my Ugg boots are out of order," said one sophomore sorority girl who wished to remain anonymous (she glared at me when I suggested the alias "Deep Throat," insisting that her sorority "isn't called that anymore").
Yet, despite such student outrage, the administration is content with its rationale - that cleaning services inevitably create class tensions in a student body that has people from all walks of life. Besides, reasoned one administrator, if Harvard's doing it, so should the UA.
"Well, of course the university wants to emulate Harvard at any opportunity it can get," said Summer Lawrence, dean of emulating all things Harvard. "In many ways, I think we're well on our way. We graduate tons of underachieving students who have rich daddies in high places. And guess what? So does Harvard!"
Sitting back to contemplate the brilliance of his last statement, he finally went on to add, "So two women scientists go into a bar ..."
Lawrence's fuzzy reasoning notwithstanding, I found one student who wholeheartedly believed in the new policy, and his viewpoint might well be the best validation of the UA's new ban on cleaning service.
Meet Trevor Carnegie, a dreadlocked business administration junior from Beverly Hills, Calif.
"Yeah, man, I totally believe that cleaning services are a result of our hypercapitalist, consumer-driven society, and the dorm kids and greeks are just another reminder that the man is keeping the rest of us down," he said, pausing to sip his $7 decaf grande no-foam soy milk caramel machiatto.
But Carnegie, who proudly showed me the "Down with capitalism!" stickers plastered across the back of his BMW, was somewhat stumped when I asked him how he knew that minorities or underprivileged students felt repressed by the presence of cleaning staffs in residence halls and greek houses. Fiddling with his Ché Guevara T-shirt, he replied hesitantly, "Well, I watch a lot of UPN."
Apparently, though, what Carnegie lacks in reasoning he makes up for with a strong following. Indeed, tensions came to a head yesterday, when hundreds of dorm residents and greeks clashed with Carnegie and his cohorts, who had somehow managed to chain themselves across the doors of the maids' supply closets, exclaiming in unison, "Hell no - they won't go!"
During a short lull in the excitement, though, Carnegie's revolutionaries and various fraternity members found a common bond as they debated the finer points of summering in the Hamptons. With the ousted maids looking on, the two groups resolved to mend the fences, promptly setting a tee time for a round of golf and drinks.
Said Carnegie of the renewed spirit of cooperation: "It's good to know that some of these guys share something in common with me. In fact, I think I can convince them to become more civic minded in the same way that I did - we're planning to have a 'Moesha' night every Monday."
Damion LeeNatali is a political science and history sophomore. He can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.