Not many entertainers have the privilege of saying, "I ran for Governor."
Wait, that's not entirely accurate considering that Gary Coleman, Larry Flynt and porn star Mary Carey all ran and lost to California's new big cheese, Ahnuld.
Gallagher, who will be remembered as an also-ran, hasn't lost interest in the problems (real and potential) of the Golden State. Nor has he lost interest in the unexplainable problems with the country.
With his trusty Sledge-O-Matic and other props, the watermelon smasher extraordinaire is still dishing his comedic philosophies on life and is bringing his show to Tucson on Saturday at 8 p.m. at Casino Del Sol.
Give Gallagher a minute or two, and he'll tell you everything you probably didn't want to know, but wouldn't mind hearing about, such as oral sex in the White House, cell phone etiquette, indecent exposure laws and even the War in Iraq.
He discussed these topics and many, many more when he spoke to the Arizona Daily Wildcat earlier this week.
WILDCAT: Do people ever come up and get angry with you because they don't know what your show is about?
GALLAGHER: No, because before the show they talk to each other. The audience members are all sitting there wearing plastic.
WILDCAT: A few weeks ago I saw that Korean comedy show "Cookin.'" Basically, they chop up food and spill it all over the place. Do you think they're ripping you off?
GALLAGHER: I think Blue Man Group actually steals my stuff more than that because they splash the audience.
WILDCAT: What about Carrot Top? He uses props, too. Do you think he's annoying?
GALLAGHER: I don't think he's very funny. He actually has purposely copied me. He came to my show for years. I knew him before he was a comedian.
WILDCAT: Were you friends with him?
GALLAGHER: Well, he was a young boy who wanted to be a comedian and so he was a fan of mine, but then my manager and I broke up and he went with him. Actually, Carrot Top has my sound man and my manager.
WILDCAT: Wow. That must suck, huh?
GALLAGHER: Well, I don't care. I think he has a different audience. It seems to be silly comedy. My comedy is all truthful observations and his is just kind of silly things. I've never really seen any of his props that were funny.
WILDCAT: Why did you decide to run for governor?
GALLAGHER: I wanted everybody to pay attention to the helicopter idea. The Russians came to my house and they interviewed me because it is a good idea. I just wanted people to discuss it. I've had some ideas that people have adopted, like using the houses out by the airport, giving them to deaf people. That was a joke in 1980, but some communities have done that. Like I said, my comedy is truthful. Like, why does NetZero cost $9.95? And why do they call a women's prison a penal colony? They may be jokes, but we have a problem with meaning in America.
WILDCAT: So, now do you weep for California because the Terminator is governor?
GALLAGHER: No, I'm upset that he won't listen to what my ideas are and consider them. Using helicopters to clear the freeways would save lives if there's some kind of a biological explosion and we all have to get out of town before we get infected ... that was one of my ideas.
WILDCAT: Do you have much of a college following?
GALLAGHER: No.
WILDCAT: Why not?
GALLAGHER: Because they didn't see me on television in the '80s.
WILDCAT: I saw you. I watched you on Comedy Central all the time.
GALLAGHER: Well, they've actually stopped playing me on Comedy Central.
WILDCAT: Do you watch it regularly?
GALLAGHER: Yeah. I know what's going on.
WILDCAT: So, have you seen Dave Chappelle's parody of your show? It's the black Gallagher?
GALLAGHER: Yeah.
WILDCAT: What do you think of that?
GALLAGHER: Well, it's something I could never do, because he basically says that black people shoot watermelons; black people have guns. And I couldn't say that any more than I could say what Chris Rock says. So it's kind of unfair.
WILDCAT: It's unfair? You don't think it's funny?
GALLAGHER: Well, black people should make jokes and not just about the differences between the races. I can't do any jokes about the differences between the blacks and the whites. And Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock only do jokes about the difference between blacks and whites. So, we're actually in a different business, when you think about it. Because I can never make any of those comparisons.
WILDCAT: Someone also just told me that your brother is touring around as Gallagher 2. Is that true?
GALLAGHER: Not since 2000. I sued him in federal court in Detroit.
WILDCAT: You sued your brother? Why?
GALLAGHER: Because he was defrauding the American public and he was pretending to be me. He was not telling them the truth; he was telling them I had retired. He became my enemy.
WILDCAT: Why did you shave your own melon?
GALLAGHER: So you couldn't tell where I was going bald. I thought I'd have a younger look.
WILDCAT: Are you still using that new look?
GALLAGHER: No. Because everybody complained. So, I had to grow my hair back, but there's not a lot of it.
Casion Del Sol, Anselmo Valencia Tori Amphitheatre: 5655 West Valencia Blvd. 8 p.m. All ages