"I hate when people don't say bye when they hang up the phone. And when people stick their fingers in my food."
"Parking and Transportation Services is a bunch of Nazis. Fuck them."
"For every kid the UAPD catches smoking weed, I'm sure they could patrol parking lots and find 10 crackheads trying to steal your stereo."
"I had an ingrown toenail, so now I have 30 pills of Vicodin and an electric pink cast."
"I think having video games on the Mall is a good idea. I have a guy in my frat that plays Xbox all day, and at least this gets him out of the house."
"I'm proud of Kappa (Kappa Gamma) because we're never in trouble like half the other sororities. Our average GPA is at least above a 2.0."