By Big Mark Beef
Special to Mutato
Nine Pound Hammer ... is it what your girlfriend got hit in the face with? Is it the tool to drive Nine Inch Nails in? Or is it a bunch of hog farmers with a craw full of benzedrine stompin' around in a mating ritual dance trying to inspire lust in their cousins?
If you answered "Duh?" to the above question, don't worry! Not everyone can belong to the cultural elite, and even fewer hear the call of the Illuminati. But just this once, we're gonna let you in on a little secret: the greatest band in the land is ... The Lovers! But almost equally as swell is Nine Pound Hammer.
Now, I'm sure you're asking yourself the age old question, "But what do they sound like?" Alternative? No, too vague. Cocktail Nation? More smashing of glasses than tinkling. Lo-Fi? No, that's just dust on the needle. What hip category can they fit in? PUNK ROCK.
Here's where you, B.M.O.C., say, "Gee! I love punk rock. And I hear it's making a comeback. But I still don't know what this band sounds like!" Well, okay. I'll make a stab at it since I'm a professional and all. Think 999, just because they both have 9's in their name, mixed with equal parts Motorhead and then add the Killer, Mister Jerry Lee on vocals. Gee, that sounds stupid, but believe me, they sound great. Or, for you people who know the local scene, think Al Foul and the Shakes in nitro-burning funny cars.
They've got three albums, all on Crypt Records, home to the New Bomb Turks, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, the Devil Dogs (R.I.P.), and many other fine bands. They're also big in Europe . quit your snickering, I'm serious. They did three tours over there before they even attempted one here, so they're no Timothy Gassen.
So what's the purpose of this article? Well, it's to inform you, as all good newspaper articles should, that Nine Pound Hammer is going to be playing at Mike's Place this Saturday night, with the Lovers, at 9 p.m. So come down and see 'em.