Instead of tackling abortion issues, the death penalty, politics or how dangerous the world is, I thought I'd change the pace a bit and throw you a juiced up curve ball from the pitcher's mound.

Now stick with me here, because what I have to say will probably improve your day. Buried in this column is the key to a happier life, and I'm sure you'll know it when you see it. Read on, and keep an open mind.

You're probably saying to yourself,"Shut-up, you dumb columnist swine. You think you know everything because you write for the paper and use flowery images like 'the key to a happier life.'"

Touche.

No, I don't have all the answers. I sometimes find it difficult to answer even tough questions like, "Can I take your order?"

But in the past few months, I have observed something that irks me. It's something that everyone (including myself) does everyday no matter how happy or sad or indifferent they are about things.

Some call it conversation.

I call it complaining.

Yes, I have nominated myself to complain about the complainers, the whiners, the gripers, those who have nothing better to do with themselves or others than to wallow in their own self-pity for no good reason.

I write this for all complainers as a source of inspiration, comfort, and hope. Well, sort of. In short, you are not alone, but there is a cure.

First, here's a brief definition of "complain" that wasn't taken from Webster's Third, but rather was derived from experience.

Complain: to verbalize the negatives while totally overlooking the positives.

Synonyms: whine, gripe, bitch, grumble, destructively criticize, mutter, nag, gossip, carry on.

Examples:

1) I hate Valentine's Day. I never have anyone to spend it with. 2) I hate Valentine's Day. Why can't I just be alone? 3) My teacher is horrible. 4) Who bought you that? 5) I'm so tired and stressed all the time. 6) I have no time to do anything.

You get the idea. My favorite is the one about not having time for anything.

Spend less time complaining. That might free up a few hours.

Not all complaints are bad, however, but the constructive complaints are just a lot less prevalent. They're the kind that address the deficiencies in the status quo. They produce positive results when combined with an effort to better the situation.

It's the incessant, negative complaints that I have a problem with.

But, I think I've found a solution to that problem. The remedy is not profound or philosophical. It's pretty simple actually, and it works small miracles for those who use it daily.

I found the cure in a dictionary.

Smile: :)

Synonyms: ;) :> <:') :} :] :D |:')

Examples:

1) The Fiddlee Fig in the Student Union has been blessed by a special employee. I know her first name and she knows mine. She remembers my "regular" order, and Betty always greets me with a vibrant smile. Her kind words start so many people's days in the right direction, and I'm sure her dictionary doesn't include the word "complain."

2) The two fabulous ladies that work the Dawg Daze stand in front of the Harvill Building know the solution to the complaining disease. Every time I see them, they're smiling. They tell stories that make their customers smile. I don't know them, but they call me "sweetie." I never hear them complaining.

3) The guy that sells newspapers at the intersection of Campbell and Speedway does his job and does it with a smile. I don't know his name, but when I drive by him, his pistol-hand wave assures me that he's not complaining...

These are just a few examples of smiles I found in a UA dictionary.

Write your own example.

Adam Djurdjulov is a journalism junior. His column appears every other Thursday.