Andrew Dice Clay cuts an odd profile on the rather bland American cultural landscape. He seems to have reached a turning point in his career - go back to the old "Dice" shtick or continue on as a "serious" actor, sans Dice. If you examine his recent track record, the reversion to his old, '80s form seemed inevitable. His CBS sitcom, like most of the CBS sitcoms, died a quick and horrible death. Rather than being regarded as either a sellout or a laughing stock, Dice is taking his act back on the road, culminating in a May HBO special and a summer tour. For better or worse, the Diceman is back and he took the time to talk to Mutato the other day ...

Mutato: You know, you're Andrew Dice Clay now, but once upon a time ... things were, I guess, different, right?

Andrew Dice Clay: Well, you know. I used to be five ... but, uh, yeah. It's all about roots as far as I'm concerned. It's where you come from, it's how you grow up, it's what you're made out of as a person. It's about resiliency, it's about drive, it's about goals. Everybody's an individual that way - some people have no drive, no goals. Some people want the world and everything in it. Like Pacino said in "Scarface," "First you get the power, then you get the money, then you get the chicks."

M: So is that what inspired you to go into comedy?

ADC: "Scarface"?

M: Uh ... I don't know.

ADC: No, no ... I'm just kidding. It's something I've always been into - I just love doing fuckin' comedy. I love making people go crazy and laugh their balls off in a time when everybody's so uptight. Everybody's ready to blow their own brains out, for no reason.

M: What's going on with you now?

ADC: I'm doing the hottest special HBO's ever put on ... I mean, for my fans, I'll tell you that much. After watching me, you know there is no other comic to watch. I don't care who you are and I don't care who they think they are. I'll go up against anybody. You know, when it comes to stand up, I'm the absolute best - that's why I drew 20,000 people a night and that's why I got in trouble.

M: So, are you still banned from MTV?

ADC: Nah ... it's something I don't even think about anymore. That's the past, and I'm looking forward to the future and to the special, which is called "Assume the Position." It's gonna air on May 11 at 10 p.m. on HBO. And if I'm telling you it's my best work, then it's my best work. And, I think it's got more substance than any of the comedy I've done in the past. It's just as brutal, it's just as raw ... It's got something for everybody.

M: You haven't kind of changed to censor yourself?

ADC: No, there is no more censoring. I did a CBS show ...

M: Yeah, I was going to ask about that ...

ADC: What's your question?

M: ... I heard that you dropped the "Dice."

ADC: Yeah, well, this is the bottom line. You know how everybody's got to pay their bills, well I had to pay my bills. So, I took a network show where they told me drop the Dice attitude and the Dice name so the sponsors get behind it, and I told them, "If you do that then you're making a big mistake, 'cause the show ain't gonna last." ... And it didn't. I ain't no fuckin' postman. I've got nothing against postmen, but that's not what I set out to be. And, when I was playing a postman, I felt like a fuckin' postman. You know what I mean?

M: Yeah ...

ADC: Postmen need the Dicemen to make them laugh. So, when the show was canceled, it was kind of a blessing ... You know, 'cause I was already in training for the HBO special and it was the type of thing where I didn't want to be on the set, I'd rather be in a club at night working on my act. ... And I've been working on this act for a while - I've been working on it for about a year and a half. And, that's why I know how great it is. I mean, up till the series, I was onstage every night all year long, just about.

M: So, you prefer the live setting with the audience feedback?

ADC: You know, when I put on my leather jacket something happens to me ... call it the "Superman Syndrome." Clark Kent's a jerkoff and Superman's just got it all happening. And, that's how I feel when I put that leather jacket on. People are gonna love this ... my fans are going to go completely out of their minds when they see this special.

M: What do you do when you're not performing?

ADC: Think about performing.

M: You don't have any hobbies? You don't go out and horseback ride or ...

ADC: I like to fuck. Actually, you just brought up one of my bits, which I'm not gonna do for you on the phone ... but, uh, it's about all that shit. It's about all those stupid hobbies that guys get by the time they're 25. When I see 25-year-old guys smoking fucking cigars like they're 75 years old, it just drives me nuts, that's all I can tell you. But, when I get free time, I like to fuck. I can't help it.

M: How are you celebrating the Year of the Rat?

ADC: I'll probably fuck one. (Laughs) I'm not very complicated that way - there's no special hobbies, there's no sicknesses I have, you know? I'm not a coke freak, I'm not a dope addict in any way, I'm not a drunk. ... I just like to entertain. I'm always thinking of my next thing.

M: So, is that what led you to create ...

ADC: I had a break for a while. ... I laid off the standup for a while, you know, other than Las Vegas, and I had to regroup and rethink everything. And then I was getting all fucked up from this no-Dice, are you Dice, are you not Dice. ... It was like I had to separate teams of psychiatrists working on both guys. So, I got my shit together now ... and I guarantee that this special will excite my fans once again, and they deserve it and they've waited for it. I'm no recluse, I'm always out. ... You know I don't hide from going into a movie theater or a mall or a diner. I like being with people who are just normal people. I love show business and I love show-business people, but I don't hide from the world. A lot of people, they make it and they hide in their house ... what's great about that? Nothing. How're you going to learn about the world? How're you gonna know what's going on out there? Just through a TV set, and that's how you get your material? Or, are you gonna live it? You've got to get out there and live it, you've got to see what's happening. ... You've got to keep a pulse to the streets.

M: So, what do you think of as humor? I mean, I know that's kind of a weird question ... but what do you go for?

ADC: Whatever makes me laugh. I constantly talk about relationships, because it's never-ending.

M: And everybody can kind of relate to that ...

ADC: People come up to me in the street, everybody always comes up, "Hi, just broke up with a girl ... my wife separated from me." I'm like Doctor Ruth with a leather jacket. Somebody comes over to me like that, I want to give them an answer. And, it's all just common sense when it comes to relationships.

M: So, do you have any relationship advice for a sex-starved young man?

ADC: Pay her.

M: (Long pause) What?

ADC: No, I'm teasing you. ... You don't have to have sex around the clock - I mean, I think it's more important in this day and age to have that one person that you really hit it off with and really relate to mentally and physically ...

M: It sounds kind of weird to hear that from you, though ...

ADC: I'm not saying that I don't like to fuck constantly, but it's basically the same person. With any relationship, you've really got to be open about it. Whatever it is you dig doing, that person should know about it. There can be no holds when it comes to sex, because when there are, you're going to wind up doing it with someone else and fuck up the real relationship.

M: Yeah, I think you're right.

ADC: I know I'm right. I've lived it. So, that's what it comes down to. You know, there's no rush with this, especially while you've still got two hands and a jar of Vaseline. So, you don't have to be that sex-starved. Take your time, meet the right person.