Earlier in this space, I explained why atheism is no more empirically likely to be true than Christianity is. What I did not explain here is the personal side of believing in the God of the Old and New Testaments, the living God Who became a mortal and ta sted death for our sake. His presence is a major part of millions of lives, including my own, and though words can scarcely convey His importance, they can give a glimpse.

To me, the essence of Christianity is a close personal relationship with Christ. This is the exact opposite of the Deists' idea that God set the universe in motion, hung it on the wall, and hasn't even dusted it since. Rather, God is an active, loving Fat her, caring about each one of us despite our many faults, forgiving our sins if we repent, always willing to listen to us and help, and with us in everything we do.

I have always known this, but only in recent years have I begun to understand its full potential in my life. Even in the worst of life's hardships, God's love is a vast source of peace and balance, lifting away the stress and anger and fear. I know that I am never truly alone, since God is everywhere and always knows where I am. One very comforting realization, which occurred to me only a few weeks ago, is that God is the only infinite power source, and He can infuse our souls with the tiniest part of tha t power, giving us strength to face the next challenge when our own energies are exhausted.

It is also very comforting to know that there is a Supreme Intelligence out there, especially when its Owner cares so much about us. Some of the decisions we humans face are so fiendishly complex, with so many variables and complications and possible outc omes, that they make book-publishing headaches look like a walk in the park. These problems are quite simply beyond human capacity to solve.

Take choosing where to go to grad school, for instance (I've faced that one). Reading brochures and talking to profs yields nowhere near enough information. The only way to determine at which schools you can be happy is to go and spend five years and get a degree at each one, and then decide, which is not only unworkable but absurd. Choosing a career and finding a life partner are equally impossible. (The latter, actually, is even more so. Assuming existence and uniqueness, with some reasonable age and na tionality restrictions, the odds of a chance encounter are about one in 340,000 (yes, I once worked this out) and that doesn't even address recognition problems.)

Faith in God, though, can greatly alleviate such troubles. Once you have done everything you possibly can and reached your human limits, you pray for help, explain what you need, and then let it go, leaving it in God's hands. Such trust is not easy to lea rn, but again, it brings a deep peace.

Of course, none of this means a Christ-guided life is all peaches and cream. I believe we do have free will, are fully responsible for our actions and choices, and possess a near-limitless capacity to foul things up. In addition to mere error, there is pl enty of actual evil in the world, human and spiritual.

Seeming paradoxes arise as well. If God is loving and all-powerful, then why does He allow evil? How can we have free will if He knows precisely what will happen? (C.S. Lewis explained that one by noting that to watch a man doing something is not the same as to make him do it.)

One can also point out that none of this proves anything, and strictly speaking, it doesn't. I cannot prove that God exists. But then, you can't prove you do, either. On that level, reason fails us.

But faith does not. Free will means that God will not enter your life unbidden; you have to ask for His help. Needing that help is no more a "weakness" than needing air to breathe. God knows what life is like; he's lived it. Give Him a chance, pick up a B ible or some C.S. Lewis, or talk to a Christian friend, and allow yourself to believe. The God Who so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life, will not abandon you in you r need.

Liberals! Know your enemy! John Keisling's new book, a collection of his 54 Wildcat columns plus nine others, is available from the author, a math Ph.D. candidate. Please e-mail keisl@math.arizona.edu or call 325-0351.