Once again, the drug of choice for America's youth has become heroin. It's always good to see my generation embracing the ideals of past generations. With the recent deaths of Brad Nowell of Sublime and Shannon Hoon of Blind Melon, as well as rehab for Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots, it warms my heart to see the music industry going back to the days of Billie Holiday and Ray Charles.

The pinnacle of this celebration is Rolling Stone's coverage of Seattle's heroin scene in issue 375 (the week of May 30). The magazine characterized the piece as a "documentation of hopelessness." Too bad it reads as a glamorization of Seattle and the lif e of a heroin junkie. Reading the article, I thought it sounded great. It'd be just like William Burrough's "Naked Lunch," an imminently cool book. The descriptions of the heroin high, of the euphoric feelings, scream to the reader: "C'mon and do it. You'll never experience such a thing!!"

But hey, I have experienced such a thing. I have experienced the greatness of Demerol, codeine and pharmaceutical-grade morphine. The difference between morphine and heroin is that two acetyl groups are added to heroin (and that heroin goes right to the b rain). Ah, the 'joy' of surgery, medical tests, and winter colds-at least I was given great drugs.

The first opiate I had the luck of experiencing was Demerol. Demerol is a synthetic opiate, carefully made in the wonderful laboratories of Sanofi Winthrop Pharmaceuticals. I can't recall the number of times I have been administered Demerol, with the dosa ge usually around 70 milligrams. It was more than two times, less than 10... I think. But what a great high! The room would float around, spin a few times, and I would escape from whatever was going on. And no one likes escapism more than I do.

The easiest opiate to get is codeine, through its use in cough syrups. The sad, yet true, tale is that the UA Student Health Center prescribes codeine cough syrup like it's candy. Instead of the lollipop that I used to get when I went to the doctor, I now get an opiate. Pretty neat! Sure, codeine is a natural cough suppressant, but I didn't ask for it. With each tablespoon, I slept like a baby. And I got to sleep like a baby the numerous times it was prescribed for me. I have known people who have faked a cough just to get the codeine. Now that's pathetic... or is it more pathetic that it is so vastly overprescribed at school?

Let's move to a real opiate, morphine, and my experience. Who cares if it turned out that I am allergic to morphine? What's a little scratching to the point of drawing blood? When I had surgery, the hospital handed me a pain pump, instructing me to push t he button every ten minutes to release the morphine. For four days, I pressed that button. Was I ever in pain? Who knows; I barely remember the hospital room. I was so messed up, the doctor had to repeat all instructions to my mother. All I remember was t he absolutely great feeling I got from being doped and watching hockey and movies. This I can recall: "A River Runs Through It" is the longest and most boring movie ever, and "Strictly Ballroom" is the most colorful and extremely odd movie. But what a g reat experience; something I will never forget, if I could only remember past the permanent fog.

Well, the thing I have to ask myself is, do I feel lucky? Do I feel lucky that I didn't have to deal with the pain, but instead got to feel a certain kind of euphoria that is not easily explained, described, or reproduced? No, not really. Because of all t he morphine and Demerol that I took, I feel that I'm not the same person. Opiates give a person a detached feeling from reality. That may be fine when a person is in the hospital and trying to escape the pain, but the continued feelings of detachment that I still have sorta suck. It seems that nothing has any effect on me and that I'm just going through the motions. What is happening to me now doesn't mean a thing, because it's not really connected to anything. That, coupled with this

new found difficulty to concentrate and a nagging feeling of lost intellect, makes waking up for school so much fun!!

So, if you want to escape from reality and have nifty euphoric feelings, then this class of opiates is for you. If you want nifty side effects and possible death, then any of the opiates is for you. Go for it!! Just don't waste my time complaining about it.

Jeremy Pepper is a philosophy senior. His column appears every week.