Let's face it ... I'm not a kid anymore. I have grown up tastes, so when McDonald's $250 million ad campaign reached me, I realized that I'd had enough of those Happy Meals and the time had come for me to move on and step up to the mature taste of the Ar ch Deluxe, McDonald's newest sandwich offering.

Packaged in a neo-retro box, the Arch Deluxe is truly a sight to behold. In fact, the clear window on the box makes the long burger inspection process that much easier. The Iceberg lettuce inside seems crisper and fuller than the normal lettuce stock, and it's nice to see that McDonald's has started using its head. The onions, slivered instead of just chopped, bring tears to my eyes when I reminisce about the beautiful times we once shared. And the sauce, as they say in France, oo la la!

The Arch Deluxe has that certain je ne sais quoi. Do hamburgers dream of special sauce? If I was a burger, I'd dream of the zesty zing provided by the Arch Deluxe's unpretentious secret condiment recipe. The white sesame bun presents the perfect counterpo int to the flame-darkened patty. Surely, this is not a burger to be trifled with. The Arch Deluxe is a study of extremes, and thankfully, McDonald's has made the public aware that it is not safe for the children of this country.

Ah, but we both knew what we had together could not last for ever, as the transience of the burger gives it an intrinsic value all its own. Very little is known about the anonymous auteur behind the Arch Deluxe, but obviously he (or she) was a man (or wo man) possessed with great vision.

Not a dream of fame or fortune, or of ego gratification, but a more refined artist's dream: to have the width and depth of one's talent on display for all to see. Sir (or madam), America's hamburger aficionados salute you.