Synopsis: Around the beginning of the 21st century, radical environmentalists took over the continent, enslaving the rest of humanity with the help of an all-pervasive central computer, GreenNet. Against terrible odds, the humans rebelled and broke Gre enNet's hold. About to be overwhelmed, the enviros sent a secret weapon back in time to change the course of history. They sent back a machine that no mortal could resist. They sent back ... The Germinator.

(Having materialized on a California ranch, the Germinator begins its mission. Its sensors detect a rare kangaroo rat in a burrow, also spotting the ranch house several miles away. It walks to the door and knocks.)

Ranch Owner: Yes?

The Germinator: Your property. Give it to me.

Ranch Owner: Screw you, wacko! Hey, hold it right there! I'll shoot! (He fires, but the Germinator keeps advancing.) Oh my God! What are you? All right, all right! Here's the deed! Take it, take it! (He runs for his life as the Germinator pockets t he deed.)

(Meanwhile, Kyl, a soldier sent back in time by the rebel forces, has found Sarah Keener and warned her of the danger.)

Sarah: But how could this man be so dangerous?

Kyl: He's not a man, he's a machine! A Green machine. Very tough. Very hard to reason with.

Sarah: Why does he want to shoot me?

Kyl: He won't shoot you. Bullets aren't biodegradable, Sarah! They use fast-growing seeds that sprout in your body. It'll kill a man in seconds. That's why we call it being Germinated. Now come on, let's get some sleep.

(The next day, the Germinator searches for Sarah Keener. Through the brush, it sees two farmers and listens.)

Jack: There's the varmint's been killin' my lambs!

Peter: Let's get him! (He fires at a coyote, missing.)

The Germinator: (seizing the rifle) Do not harm your fellow creatures! (Jack and Peter flee into the brush. The coyote corners a rabbit and is about to lunge.)

The Germinator: (firing at the coyote) Do not harm your fellow creatures! (The coyote scampers off. The rabbit begins munching on some leaves.)

The Germinator: (firing at the rabbit) Do not harm your fellow creatures! (The rabbit dashes into a hole as the Germinator moves on.)

(A few days later, the Green machine has taken over a small town. As the enslaved townsfolk labor, the Germinator watches.)

The Germinator: You! You are planting marigolds in with the petunias!

Kris: Sorry, sorry! They're all we've got left!

The Germinator: Keep planting. (It walks into a nearby garden store.) Where are your petunia seeds?

Clerk: Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but we're all out. We'll be getting another shipment next week.

The Germinator: (leaning closer) I'll be back. (Striding back outside, it notices a man throwing away a newspaper.) You! You must recycle!

Frank N.: But that costs more than growing a new batch of trees, and the paper's lousy.

The Germinator: You must recycle!

Frank N.: But the process involves lots of nasty chemicals, and with the way they compress trash, we won't run out of landfill space for three thousand years.

The Germinator: You must recycle!

Frank N.: You're an imbecile.

(Suddenly Kyl and Sarah come around the corner. They and the Germinator see each other.)

The Germinator: Target acquired!

Sarah: Kyl, what can we do?

Kyl: There's no way to reason with it! It's programmed to destroy all non-environmental-wait! That's it! (He shouts to the advancing machine.) Hold it, Germinator-boy! You're a machine, right? And machines are made of metal, right? And metal has to be mined! That metal was ripped out of the earth; think how much work the earth did to produce that metal! You're nothing but a product of (dramatic pause) Big Business! (The Germinator stops as if shot.)

The Germinator: I must self-Germinate! (With one swift motion it breaks the seed capsule against its head. Vines grow in all directions with unbelievable speed, consuming the machine until nothing but twisted metal remains.)

Sarah: Is it dead?

Kyl: Germinated.

Sarah: Then it's over.

Kyl: Unless they (He looks up.) No! It's the G-1000!

G-1000: Earth is in the balance. (The G-1000 advances, trampling the marigolds and petunias.)

John Keisling is a math Ph.D. candidate whose column appears Wednesdays.