The sky is falling, so duck already

Chad Strawderman Arizona Daily Wildcat

It'll probably kill everyone and destroy all life on earth as we know it. If you haven't heard, you probably have fallen victim to the big cover-up being perpetuated by the majority of American media outlets. Only NBC is brave enough to speak the truth. Or maybe it's sweeps month and they had a big asteroid mini-series coming up.

Now, I have no problem with that whole synergy concept that's infecting themedia. Cross-promotion is fine by me. I think it's cute when Matthew Perry's new movie is advertised during "Friends." I don't even mind too much when the local NBC affiliate gets an exclusive interview with Matt and airs it on its news segment just before said show. Hell, this is Tucson, how much news do we really generate?

Synergy is more contagious than tuberculosis (which is making a big comeback, I hear; watch for "TB: Final Consumption" starring Valerie Bertinelli and Ian Ziering, coming in May). How do you think oldies stations figure out their playl ists? They're not spinning Billboard's top 10; it's more like Madison Avenue's. Anytime a commercial comes out using an old song, it pops up on an oldies station. Check it out for yourself. Currently, there's a Dr. Pepper commercial that uses "Son of a Preacher Man," a song you can hear three times a day on KOOL-FM. It's been going on forever. The only time I can remember ever hearing the Beatles' "Revolution" on the radio was back during that Nike commercial debacle in the '80s.

It's this kind of media bleed through that can make one feel incredibly over-saturated. But to media types, synergy means live interviews at Kitt Peak, neat computer graphics and lots and lots of Discovery Channel specials. (To some of us, Synergy will always be Jem & the Holograms' power source and benevolent mentor, but that's beside the point.) First we had asteroids. Next up, volcanoes. Still in the planning stages: killer bees, lightning strikes, rampaging cloned sheep?

I draw the line at "Dateline," though. Admittedly, I do have a borderline-obsessive fascination with television news shows. I have been known to pass up sex, cocktails and raucous festivities for a "survivor story you won't want to miss." But then the network marketing hacks (nothing against hacks, mind you; I have the soul of a public relations hack, myself) desecrate the sacred ground of Studio Three in New York. They forced Jane Pauley and Stone Phillips to flack their damned made-for-television disaster flick, "Asteroid."

I feel betrayed. I know that the news shows have had a rotten time of it lately, what with the explosive-rigged trucks, the tainted supermarket meat counters, and such. But isn't it obvious that there are enough real-life horrors (and survivor stories) out there that bringing some overblown hype about the possibilities of meteor crashes seem a little sensational? And not in a good way.

We all know that the possibility of the earth being hit by a meteor or asteroid big enough to do any damage is remote, at best. We've got one hell of an atmosphere, kids. It does some nasty friction stuff to those pesky space invaders, unless a really sneaky one figures out how to duck through the hole in the ozone. Isn't this common knowledge? (That's a rhetorical question.)

Yeah, complaining about the television media machine seems a little pointless considering my confessed obsession. But I like to believe that I'm watching something with a modicum of journalistic value and integrity. Alas, even my beloved Stone is not inviolable. Don't believe the hype.

M. Stephanie Murray is a junior majoring in English literature. Her column, 'What Fresh Hell?,' appears every other Wednesday.

By M. Stephanie Murray (columnist)
Arizona Daily Wildcat
February 26, 1997