Back from the trenches: A candidate's story

In case any of you happened to notice, I have not been writing my column for a few weeks. One might say I have been on hiatus, but that implies that I've been relaxing on some tropical beach while sipping Mai Tais and listening to Jimmy Buffet. This is, most certainly, not the case.

If you are extremely perceptive (and I'm sure that you are, faithful reader), you know that I spent the last weeks running for office in our very own ASUA elections. If you had no idea that there were student government elections, consider yourself in good company.

About 10 percent of the student body typically votes in this election and, of that 10 percent, about three of my closest friends actually voted for me. Sure, some might call my ill-fated campaign a rousing defeat, but I look upon the election with fond memories. I'd like to share some of those memories with you today.

The key to any election is meeting people. The way to do that - set up a table along the Mall, create some so-called "literature" out of your platform, and pass these scraps of paper out to everyone you see within a one mile radius of that table. You branch out, taking only your papers and a smile, in order to woo the voters onto your side. I guess I simply cannot woo like the others.

As I campaigned, I felt contented. I was not one of those candidates who tries to give as much paper as possible to as many people as possible in as little time as possible. Instead, I focused on quality interaction with those of you who were willing to talk to me for more than the three seconds of your passing by. I don't think it worked that well, judging from the results. I did, however, learn how creative and belligerent the average student can be on a given day.

If asked the question, "Are you planning on voting today?" many responded with a curt "No." Others, daring to be different, claimed that they had already voted. If this is true, then roughly 80 percent of the voting public turned out at the polls. And then there were my favorites: the actively apathetic.

These sly creatures not only did not care about the elections, they went out of their way to inform me of their active defiance. These folks laughed at the mere prospect of voting, seemingly claiming superiority over the entire election system. They rejoiced in their apathy toward the election, wallowing in the slop of ignorant bliss. But they were not the worst.

The worst occurred Feb. 26 when I asked a male student if he was planning on voting that day. He responded, "Tell me, is it worse for me to not vote or to vote for your opponent?" Apparently, Neanderthal found it so intrusive to be asked a simple question that he was willing to turn around, travel to the voting booth, and cast a ballot against me. What an ass.

Speaking of asses, there is somebody out there with whom I have a major bone to pick. This ignorant piece of trash defaced certain campaign posters with the words "No more East Coast Jews." He or she had underlined the names of two of my fellow candidates, only one of whom is actually Jewish, and left that brilliant piece of literary criticism in its place.

I have one thing to say to this pathetic excuse for human life. I am a Jew, I am proud to be a Jew, and your message proves to me that your existence taints the human race by associating it with bigotry and hatred. If you have a problem with Jews, why don't you come out from behind that veil of anonymity which you so deftly constructed and bring your message to the campus in an open manner. Or are you just like your racist brethren who are too afraid to come out from under their sheets?

Those are my reactions to this election. Overall, it was a good experience, one of those famous "successful failures." Unfortunately, it also brought to light the dirty underside of our campus community.

Beware of asses.

Jamie Kanter is a junior majoring in Spanish and psychology. His column, 'On the Flip Side,' appears every other Thursday.

By Jamie Kanter (columnist)
Arizona Daily Wildcat
March 6, 1997