A goofy guide to getting it on

The Guide To Getting It On!

Paul Jonnides

The Goofy Foot Press ($17.95)

Alright, I'll tell you what I think about "The Guide To Getting It On!" in a bit, but first, a few words on sex books.

I'm the type of person who learns, umm, the "hands-on" way, so these books don't really appeal to me. No, really. But if it takes a sex book to let a guy know that his odds of receiving oral sex from a woman will increase if he keeps himself clean (page 140) then hey, I guess the books have some use after all.

Yours truly is the shy sort. She blushes at the mention of just about anything having to do with naked people. Call me repressed, call me a prude. But if you'd seen my face while checking out this book, you would've called me "stunned," for a few reasons.

When I asked the publisher for the book, I had no idea it would be as complete and comprehensive as it is. I don't even want to know what was considered too risqu‚ or kinky to get into this book. There are chapters (and lots of illustrations) dedicated to everything from anal sex to premature ejaculation, or as the author puts it: "Dyslexia of the Penis - Improving your Sexual Hang Time."

There's heaps of information on the history of sex (including gay sex,) kinky language, abortion, sexually transmittable diseases - you name it, it's there.

Yes, it's a complete book, but more interestingly, it's an odd book. Check out the section on Buddhist views on pubic hair (page 225) and the Goofy Dick Game (page 34) and you'll see what I mean.

Here's another little bit of oddness for you: the caption under an illustration of a naked woman holding a baby while straddling a naked man reads "We sometimes forget about the potential of sex to create new life, sustain love, and offer friendship." Fair enough, but folks, couldn't this family be clothed?

"The Guide To Getting It On!" is weird, informative, and graphic (I felt a little queasy after looking at some of the pictures.) But as sex books go, it's well done.

What your humble writer learned from "The Guide To Getting It On!" was (not surprisingly) that there's a whole lot she doesn't know about sex. This is a little fact she's totally at ease with. If you think you're missing out, my copy of the book is up for grabs. Just stop by the arts desk at the Wildcat office and ask for me. I won't laugh at you. I might blush, though. The rest of you curious sex-monkeys out there can score your own copy by calling Goofy Foot Press at 1-800-310-PLAY and ordering the book.