Where's all the good news gone?

Chad Strawderman Arizona Daily Wildcat

On second thought, we've already got that last one.

The point is, though, that either the world has become a generally friendlier place - which I suppose might be a desirable event - or the mainstream media has become so intent on being commercially friendly that entertainment news ranks over ethnic strife. I'm leaning toward the latter - news isn't news unless there's a little pop culture twist on it.

Two words for how pathetic news coverage is these days: Heaven's Gate. Yes, the loss of life is tragic, and it's sad that events like this occur, oftentimes it's beyond our ability to check them. The pain of this mass suicide will stay with the families of the deceased for years.

But please, let's be honest. Ten years ago - hell, five years ago - a couple dozen people in southern California offing themselves would barely have made the Los Angeles evening news. Even now, weeks after the whole thing broke, there are still little sidelights in the news about this aspect of the group's Web page, or that take on the Hale-Bopp Comet, and even, God help us all, on how this whole incident affects "legitimate" extraterrestrial-life researchers.

Now, that story probably wouldn't have made the news except for the buzzword Internet. Oh, wow, the group had a World Wide Web page, where they explained their theology and quasi-scientific theories. Doesn't everyone?

Then, there's my favorite story. President Clinton sprained his knee. The media came onto this one like sharks in bloody water. Hourly updates allowed us to keep up on the president's health, from his trip to Bethesda Naval to his surgery to his recovery to those neat crutches of his. Even SportsCenter had a blurb about it.

Now, as we all know, Clinton was projected to go in the lottery picks of the NBA draft, right behind Tim Duncan. With this injury, many feel that the president might have lost that explosive first step that gave him such an edge over most other point guards, and that he'll turn into a jump shooter and pass-first, shoot-later guard. NBA scouts, however, report that if Clinton's rehab is successful, he might go late first round or early second. It'll all depend on how he performs at the Nike Desert Classic. The Cleveland Cavaliers have already expressed interest in him.

Give me a break. Anyone else damages connective tissues, they go to the doctor and get a brace, maybe have minor surgery. Clinton gets a boo-boo, and networks interrupt the NCAA Tournament to tell us about it. Too much about it. There's absolutely no excuse for that. Nuclear war shouldn't interrupt the tournament.

This story came at us like a John Stockton pass for two reasons. One: It involved the president, which always makes the news, and the media has a grisly obsession with presidential woundings, maimings, sprains and deaths. Far more importantly, two: Clinton is a baby boomer. Clinton sprained his knee. It's well known that baby boomers are always the first to experience things. Logically, therefore, the media had a duty to tell us about this mysterious new injury that could strike any of us at any time, now that a baby boomer has had it.

I don't entirely blame the media, either. We eat this stuff up. Don't forget, a frightening number of us watched the O.J. Simpson criminal trial. An even more frightening number actually taped the damned thing.

This is the part in the editorial where I usually suggest a snappy solution, so here it is: Let's go to war with Chad. I don't mean some sort of peacekeeping effort (those things always turn out badly); I mean honest-to-heaven, heavy-armor, carpet-bombing, Marine-landing conventional war. Oh, sure, Chad's just sitting there in Africa; it hasn't done anything to annoy, pester or assault us, but then again, that's never stopped us from going to war before.

Or, as a cheaper alternative, we could just flip the channel anytime the words Heaven's Gate flash across the television screen.

Chris Badeaux is the Wildcat's opinions editor, and does not in fact hope that we go to war with Chad; he liked the one middle school teacher he had from that nation. His column, 'Cynic on Parade,' appears every other Monday.

By Chris Badeaux (columnist)
Arizona Daily Wildcat
April 14, 1997