Ask Anthony

wcarts@ccit.arizona.edu

Dear Anthony,

My friend's boyfriend is a jerk. He cheats on her, he humiliates her in front of her friends, he's always late for everything, and he didn't even say happy birthday to her on her birthday, let alone buy her flowers or a card. She says that she loves him, even though she's always crying about something he's done or said. A few of us (her friends) have tried to talk her into breaking it off with this idiot, but she won't hear of it. They've only been together for three months. How can we help her? -C.V.

In order to answer this very complicated question, I must channel late 1980s singer Pebbles and her hit song "Girlfriend:" "To believe, or not to believe/That is the question,/It just takes a street degree,/You've lied your last lie/And I've cried my last cry,/I'm out the door, baby/There's other fish in the sea!"

It seems like your friend is a glutton for punishment, and needs to drop this boy before her obligatory guest appearance on "Ricki Lake." Please tell your friend that it is not worth all this trouble (and crying and humiliation) for a man who comes across as a pre-adolescent boy. I think she says she loves him, but doesn't mean it. It could be a case of codependency, - she thinks if she doesn't have a boyfriend, that her life is worthless.

If he forgot her birthday, is constantly late, cheats on her and has humiliated her in the past three months of their dating, it is not gonna get any better, unless she is a fan of emotional trauma. If you tell her this, and she doesn't listen, tell her r epeatedly about what this boyfriend does to her physically and emotionally, and ask her if she likes those feelings. If she thinks you're a bad friend for saying all this, remind her that men come and go, but friends will always be there.

Dear Anthony,

Jesus Christ. I think my ex-girlfriend gave me some sort of V.D. I have this nasty rash down below and although I haven't been to the doctor yet (I have an appointment at Student Health for next week), I'm pretty sure it's going to be something horrible ( it looks and feels like it anyway). We sort of broke up on a really bad note, and I'm not sure how to go about telling/asking her about this. Is there some proper etiquette for this stuff? -S.H.

Before you talk to your ex-girlfriend, I must point something out. In the beginning, you say you "think" your ex gave you this sexually transmittable disease. Are you sure it was her, or have you been boot knockin' with others since the breakup? Psychic F riend Dionne and I are lead to wonder due to your choice of words. Don't worry about how bad it may be, it could go away easily and permanently through some necessary medication, unless it's herpes or genital warts. The latter are permanent.

But whatever you do, definitely go to Student Health (where only the fierce work) and get some sort of medication for this rash, or according to Nurse Hell-ga, you will become permanently sterile. I don't think you want that.

As far as approaching your ex goes, don't be as aggressive as you are in this letter. Be a little more civilized. She may have gotten the STD from a person she was sexually active with before you. Gasp! She may have dated people before you! Just go up to her and say, "You were the last one I had sex with, and now I have an STD. I'm getting it checked out, and you should too." If she calls you a liar and doesn't believe you, then tell her about how her insides will dry up and be about as useful as a pet ro ck.