Well, election day is over... finally. As expected, Bill Clinton has earned four more years in the White House, despite the efforts of Bob Dole (and all those other guys who ran).

Dole recently completed a 24-hour-a-day campaigning blitz while Clinton sat back and enjoyed a new Arch Deluxe with a twenty point lead on the side.

One thing still bothers me about the election, though. I just don't see the candidates having any fun. Come on, guys, you're competing to be the most powerful leader on Earth and all you can do is make boring campaign speeches and kiss babies? I want to see much more merrymaking in the next election.

Let's start with the debate format. I watched the first debate and I saw a glimmer of humor emanating from the two men. However, this comedic tendency was thwarted by the bounds of decorum on the air. I propose that each of the candidates perform a monologue before each of the debates. Give them five minutes each to see if they can make the American public smile. Let them have a little fun; they're under a lot of pressure and can use some time to swear like sailors.

After we see the candidates doing stand-up at the debates, we then need to do something about that negative advertising. I don't know about you, but I was disappointed in the timidity of the candidates in their attacks on the other. I wanted to see a Mortal Kombat-like bloody battle to the death. I wanted to see a victory for mudslinging. I saw nothing good.

The best the candidates gave me in their ads was a watered-down, no sugar added glass of Kool-Aid. I wanted a stiff belt of Scotch. They should have taken off the gloves, gotten down and dirty, and said what they were really feeling. Clinton could have spiced up his attacks on Dole's Medicare record by portraying him as an elderly vampire, sucking the blood out of retirees. Dole could have played up Clinton's womanizing by claiming that Clinton had held a slumber party with Chelsea's schoolyard chums. These types of ads would add excitement and interest to a dull campaign.

The candidates should also visit foreign countries and show that they can handle "foreign relations." Clinton could have visited Moscow, brought some vodka to Yeltsin in the hospital, and then gotten sloppy drunk and thrown up on Stalin's grave. Dole could have left Elizabeth at home, gone to see some emir in a Middle Eastern country, and frolicked with a few of his scantily-clad concubines. That sort of news would make me respect the candidates as people and not just as figures.

This election was firmly grounded in image-making and idol worship. The political spin doctors created their best rendition of John Kennedy and Grandpa Walton. Clinton is a young, hip, groovy sort of dude who can really hang with the youngsters. Dole is a kind old grandfather whose experience has brought him great wisdom. But who cares?

I want to know my president for who he is. I am glad that Clinton said that he wished he could have inhaled; it gives him some character. I am glad that Bob Dole fell off a platform. The election process should not be about imagery and smoke. I want a president who shows who he is, not who he wishes he could be. I want to see Bill Clinton with a Big Mac in his hand, and I want to see Bob Dole running on a treadmill in his boxer shorts. These little details say so much about the men behind the images, the substance behind the glamour.

The next election needs to have some flavor. We don't need more manure shoveled at us in heaping mouthfuls; rather, we need some candidates who tell it like it is. We need some candidates with enough integrity to stand up for what they believe and enough spontaneity to moon the press from the campaign bus.

Jamie Kanter is a Spanish and psychology junior. His column, 'On the Flip Side,' appears every other Wednesday.

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