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By Jon Roig
Arizona Daily Wildcat
August 29, 1996
by Jon Roig (jonathar@gas.uug.arizona.edu)
"The Island of Dr. Moreau" is like a big, fat, juicy Olestra-burger. OK, so maybe it isn't fat - and that's the problem. It looks like a great burger, smells like a great burger... heck, it even feels like a great piece of culinary art. Yet somehow it leaves you unsatisfied - it goes right through you.
You can't really blame the cooks for trying a new recipe, though. Take one portion of zesty Val Kilmer, add a giant (and I do mean GIANT) helping of Marlon Brando, and allow to sit for two hours on a deserted island somewhere in the South Pacific. Spice the mix up a little with mutants created by Stan Winston, and finish the witches' brew off with a promising young actress, in this case Fairuza Balk ("The Craft"). It's even a recipe with some measure of tradition thrown in; the story was originally created by science fiction pioneer H.G. Wells.
So where's the beef? It's not too hard to give you a taste of the plot - basically, it's your standard mad scientist fare, with Marlon Brando donning the kabuki makeup and presiding over an island of half-human/half-animal genetically-mutated freaks. In his efforts to create the perfect formula, he has made himself god of the island, a father figure steeped in myth and magic and able to inflict pain on his subjects via an amulet of power.
Oh, the horror. Actually, we've seen it all before. Brando is essentially reprising his role from "Apocalypse Now" and, although he delivers a truly creepy performance, this batch seems to be doomed to mediocrity from the very beginning. It's a sad thing when a movie isn't equal to the sum of its parts. Not even a stellar job by Val Kilmer is enough the raise the film beyond its rather pedestrian aspirations.
We have here the old trade-off between action and plot. One gets the feeling that the filmmakers could've chosen either tons of big explosions, which I love, or a truly compelling psychological thriller. Unable to decide between the two, they sit on the fence, and "The Island ..." ends up about as exciting as unflavored Smack Ramentm noodles. You have to choose either the chicken or the beef flavor, but unless you're a masterful chef, you can't have both. Sure, you can try and spice it up, maybe put it in a great package to bring in the vegetables, but ultimately it won't satisfy our healthy entertainment appetite.
I recommend "The Island of Doctor Moreau" as a light snack only. It might you fill you up for a little while, but when you leave, you'll hear that telltale stomach growl.
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