By Anthony R. Ashley
Arizona Daily Wildcat
January 16, 1997

Oprah fails to rise above

Why am I telling you this? Because my dear friend Nurse Hell-ga whines constantly how much she can't stand Oprah's new format. She is the ultimate Oprah-phile. If Nurse Hell-ga misses one day of Oprah, her day is over. It's kinda like when I roll over in the morning and Keanu is not there, but different.

But, Nurse Hell-ga isn't the only one who watches Oprah. I have caught myself watching the show a few times, but only when someone good is on, like Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, or my Jewish mother Barbra Streisand.

Hell-ga and I have seen the light though. For a year, I have found Oprah annoying and hypocritical. Hell-ga has just found her annoying.

My gripe stems from an article she wrote in TV Guide last year. She said in her article that shows like "The Ricki Lake Show," or "The Jenny Jones Show," or "Jerry Springer" were awful, ridiculous and stupid.

Oprah, honey, you have a lot of room to talk. Wasn't it you, along with Geraldo Rivera and Phil Donahue, who helped pave the way for these shows? She used to do shows like "Lipstick Lesbians who Love Male Aliens." And now, in her "maturity" she bashes these shows? Personally, I think she doesn't believe she was ever like this because she doesn't think that rotund host was really her.

The new format of her show has both Hell-ga and I brewing with anger. She has different sections of the shows, with different guests, in the attempts to beat out Rosie O'Donnell's show. Yeah, right!

Example: One day, the show started out with Oprah talking to the families of those who died on TWA Flight 800. At commercial break, Oprah tells her audience, "Next, follow me when I help my best friend, Gail, accessorize for the Emmys!" What is that?

Also bothersome is that fact that whatever the guest's problems happen to be, Oprah has had that problem also, and attempts to relate it to her eating disorder.

And what exactly is up with her new book club? She could probably pick-up the National Enquirer and love it.

The epitome of Oprah's annoyance came this past Sunday night when she won the People's Choice Award for Best Female Performance. Is it me, or does anyone else notice that Oprah is neither the best, nor a performer? It was pretty obvious when other nominees included Candace Bergen and Helen Hunt. Performers on mediocre TV shows, but performers nonetheless.

Other embarrassing elements lately have been stupid topics (like photographer Anne Geddes and those scary Satan babies she photographs), lack of focus on topics (TWA Flight 800 example), perennial boyfriend Stedman Graham and the worst, when Oprah tries to sing along with a guest when she knows she doesn't know the words and doesn't have rhythm. You're so rich, go get singing and rhythm lessons, girl.

Oprah, I hope you're reading this. Nurse Hell-ga and I just wish you wouldn't copycat your competitor to keep her viewers. Don't worry if Rosie is catching up. You've had competition before, and where is Carnie Wilson now?