Student proposes grieving center

Robert Henry Becker Arizona Daily Wildcat UA alumna Jill Sugarman pictured with her dog, Timber, would like to start a grieving center on campus for students who need help dealing with personal tragedy. Sugarman's boyfriend, Jeff Sehler, was killed in a surfing accident over a year ago, and the university's lack of a support system prompted her to write UA President Manuel Pacheco in hope of starting a center.

As Sugarman struggled to continue a normal life through her grief, the psychology major realized that, although the University of Arizona offered clubs, organizations and services for almost every talent and interest, the UA sponsored nothing to help those dealing with the death of a loved one.

Sehler, killed in a surfing accident off the California coast during the summer of 1995, was Sugarman's boyfriend of 2 1/2 years.

"We went through so many things together, and when he died, I thought, 'this can't be happening to me,'" Sugarman said. "When someone close to you dies, no one can understand the pain you are experiencing. For me, there was no one who really understood what I was going through."

In December, after almost two years, Sugarman realized what she wanted to do for other students who have had a similar experience with grief - provide a center to counsel students dealing with the loss of a friend and loved one.

Sugarman, who graduated in December, wrote a proposal requesting support for a grieving center. She proposed that the center provide a family-like setting where students can search for inner peace and acceptance.

Sugarman sent her proposal to UA President Manuel Pacheco, hoping for some encouragement and support. So far, she has not heard a response from Pacheco but feels optimistic about her idea.

Sugarman's idea for the grieving center was inspired by a psychology class taught by Professor Robert Wrenn.

Wrenn's class, which is still being offered at the UA, allows students to communicate their feelings of sorrow and loss.

"Peer therapy is the most effective form of counseling because it's people dealing with the same issues, " Wrenn explained.

Taking Wrenn's class made Sugarman realize that students need a more accessible emotional outlet.

"Dr. Wrenn always has waiting lists for students who want to take his class. I just want there to be a place where all students can go," Sugarman said.

The Sehler Grieving Center, named in memory of her boyfriend, would be comprised of staff volunteers. It would have a library with books on how to cope with everything from disease to death, relationships to relations.

Services provided by the center would focus on the three main aspects of a student's life that are affected by grief - health, academics and spirituality.

"A loss can be compared to a serious wound requiring time and support to heal," Sugarman wrote in her proposal.

Sugarman suggested that the center would aid the healing process by being a central basis for support, as well as helping students academically by alerting professors to the grief situation. Students would also be encouraged to seek advice from religious or spiritual leaders.

"It's something that I always wanted to do in my heart. This is something I always longed for. Everyone grieves in one way or another, and this center would help those people," Sugarman said.

One roadblock in Sugarman's idea, however, is funding. She proposed that the center be funded by government grants, private contributions or from the university budget.

Wrenn suggests a grieving club might be a more realistic goal.

"If there were to be a grieving center, there would have to be a way to fund it," Wrenn said. "Maybe if there were a student organization, that might be the answer."

The Campus Health Service's Counseling and Psychological Services offers psycho-logical help and counseling for students, but does not have a peer support system.

Kenneth Marsh, director of CAPS, suggested that a counselor might be the initial step in the healing process.

"There are two kinds of loss - the death of a friend or family member, and the loss of a key relationship. But each have a significant loss element," Marsh said.

"Of the students that come in here, a number need to talk with an individual first," Marsh said. "Individual sessions are important especially in establishing connection."

In response to the idea of a peer support group, Marsh said, "The challenge with starting a support group is having enough people to compose a group at the same time."

Wrenn said about 16 to 20 UA students die each year, leaving friends to deal with the aftermath of death.

Sugarman hopes that if her proposal is accepted, those people would have a place to turn and a shoulder to cry on.