By Jamie Kanter
Arizona Daily Wildcat
February 20, 1998

Divorce: The best thing to happen to marriage since sex

Arizona Daily Wildcat Jamie Kanter

Is the institution of marriage deeply damaged in our state?

The Arizona Legislature thinks so, and it believes that easy divorce laws are at fault. For that reason, it is taking a good look at measure Senate Bill 1133.

The measure allows a choice for those entering into matrimony: the couple can opt for a standard marriage or a so-called "covenant marriage." The standard version of marriage allows either spouse to seek divorce if s/he can show the marriage to be "irretrievably broken." The new and improved version would force the spouse to prove abandonment, adultery or physical abuse before being granted a divorce.

The measure overcame its first obstacle last Thursday by passing through the Senate Committee on Family Services by a 5-2 vote. The legislators seem poised to pass the measure should it come up for a vote, with both parties promising their support.

If this is true, then one should be tempted to vote Independent in the next election.

Why should the state want to make the divorce process any tougher? The current divorce laws, the "easy" ones, cause spouses to tear at each other's throats like so many dogs in a Jack London novel. Husbands and wives battle for possessions, custody, money and vindication in virtual bloodbaths that destroy all involved. Of course, this new legislation would complicate matters.

That's right, with covenant marriages, it would prove to be an even more difficult process. Instead of simply proving ones unhappiness within the marriage, the individual would also have to prove abuse, abandonment, adultery or "extreme cruelty." That would certainly ease the pain of the process.

But what about the poor children? Many claim that the parents have a duty to stay together for the kids. According to Sen. David Peterson, R-Mesa, children from broken homes are the ones committing violent crimes, abusing drugs and dropping out of school. We have an obligation to make sure that these bad seeds never have the chance to develop. Instead, we should keep two unhappy people together so that the kids can watch their parents self-destruct from the comfort of a nice, secure home. That way, they'll never want to leave the house and venture into the dangerous streets. Why should they when such a blissful family life awaits their return?

Larry H. Huff, Director of the Family Research Council, summed up the logic behind sticking with a troubled marriage.

"Anticipating inevitable human conflict, the two [partners] agree to maintain a perspective of 'being on the same side' - even if they don't always feel like teammates," said Huff in an editorial column. Perhaps in Mr. Huff's world, an unhappy couple could actually remain on the "same side." Outside of Sunshine 'n' Lollipops Land, however, unhappy people get pissed off and wind up hurting each other.

Of course, Mr. Huff displays not only the blissfully ignorant stay-together-at-all-costs attitude of those who support covenant marriages; he also represents a politically active religious group which seeks to dictate morality to our society. The new covenant agreement (as we can see from the obvious religious connotations of its name) is based in religious practice and doctrine. Hedy Weinberg, Executive Director of the ACLU in Tennessee, claims that the covenant marriage legislation dictates morality.

The plan "would limit divorce to the grounds explicitly mentioned in the Bible . . . If every religious group was able to get government to enforce its own system of divorce, we'd have utter chaos," says Weinberg. When it comes down to it, we simply do not need more religiously-motivated, far-right indoctrination.

Of course, we should not leave the issue of divorce without looking at it from a (gasp!) sensible viewpoint. Let's face the facts about divorce: people change, things change, attitudes change. Sometimes people fall out of love and become unhappy. Sometimes marriage is not meant to last. Sometimes people make bad choices. Why should we force couples to dwell on those mistakes?

When a marriage is broken, a couple should try to fix it. If the marriage stays broken, then there is no use in keeping it. People need to be able to swallow their pride, admit defeat and walk away. They do that by seeking divorce. For some, like my parents almost twenty years ago, it is the most humane thing for all involved. I think I turned out okay.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go rob a liquor store for my crack money.

If only my parents had stayed together .

Jamie Kanter is a senior majoring in Spanish and psychology. His column, "On the Flip Side," appears every other Thursday.