By Andrew Winslow
Arizona Daily Wildcat
March 3, 1998

Marriage shouldn't be a game

To the Editor:

Although I think that Jamie Kanter raised some valid points with his article ("Divorce: The best thing to happen to marriage since sex," Feb. 20), the real trouble with divorce isn't divorce itself, it's bad marriages. People just do not understand the seriousness and purpose of the vows of wedlock anymore, and the responsibility they are undertaking of joining into a single family unit. We must face facts that giving up on a marriage because of unhappiness is just not a good enough reason.

The simple truth of the matter is that no one on this Earth is perfect. No matter what kind of relationship that a person has, since no one is perfect, everyone will be unhappy at some point. It's a fact of life. The only time that there is a conflict with this fact is when we start thinking that there's no way out, or that we are helpless, "...'till death do us part." The fact of the matter is that most people who get divorced are either marrying the wrong person, or are the wrong person to be married because they didn't take enough time before they got married to really invest themselves in their spouse. Marriages grounded in infatuation and even "romance" will hit troubled waters indefinitely. Marriages grounded in friendships, communication and common beliefs will last longer.

In America, we treat relationships like a game of "Battleship." We shoot around and hope to get a hit, but in reality most people take the first shot that looks like a hit and hope for the best without taking the time to really investigate and make sure that they've sunk their dreamboat. Time spent away from your spouse before you get married is more crucial to the future outcome of the marriage than time spent together. Time spent apart eliminates the emotional/hormonal aspect and really gives the person enough head clarity to assess their significant other's personality.

Marriage is the ultimate statement of love. It means dedication, it means responsibility and that means hard work. The reason that unhappy people get divorced is that they're tired of the work, but unfortunately, they've given up on the responsibility too. Children are the price tag to the marriage. Children are a blessing to parents who conceived them out of love, but are a curse to the ones that conceived them out of infatuation.

Marriage counseling exists for a reason, for people who have these problems. We need to encourage people to work harder, not give up more easily.

In short: Never say "I do," unless you're willing to also say "forever."

Andrew Winslow
Psychology freshman