Post Ejaculation (after thoughts)

Arizona Daily Wildcat Jennifer McKean

By Jennifer McKean
Arizona Daily Wildcat
September 9, 1997
Is your penis big enough? Long enough? How long do you last? If you're a man, you've probably asked yourself these questions. We all like to think that we have control over our minds, our bodies and the world around us, but that ideology is of course impossible.

One out of every 3 men suffer from premature ejaculation. It is the most commonly experienced male sexual dysfunction, affecting tens of millions of Americans. Men between the ages of 18 and 30 are at highest risk for premature ejaculation (PE for short). It is not a disease, but it may feel like one to men who deal with the humiliating rejection during sexual encounters.

PE sufferers are unable to savor and prolong the pleasure of intercourse. Though it is curable, most men who lack ejaculatory control struggle with the problem their whole lives.

Premature ejaculation is when you ejaculate before you want to. It's as simple as that, yet the confusion surrounding it probably plagues a lot of men on this campus. It is about control, not time. It is not a physiological problem. If you have an erection and you ejaculate, you are functioning like a man should function.

Ejaculation occurring after two minutes of penetration may be considered by some couples as perfectly OK, because it is time enough for both individuals to have sexual pleasure. For others, ejaculation after two minutes is totally unacceptable and premature.

You might be wondering then, how long should you last in order to satisfy your partner. Unfortunately, we all have unrealistic expectations about sex. I have actually heard some women say that a penis should be 10 feet long, hard as a rock and able to perform all night long. Believe me guys, the majority of us aren't so horrible.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where men often base much of their self worth on their sexual performance. For many men who ejaculate prematurely, even before penetrating the woman's vagina, especially on a first date, the sexual experience can leave him baffled, feeling guilty and embarrassed beyond belief. PE can rob you of your self-confidence, self-esteem and make you feel like a failure as a lover and as a man.

The disturbance can cause distress or interpersonal difficulty, often leading the man to lash out in anger or become defensive out of embarrassment. When a man continues to be frustrated after each sexual experience, it can devastate him enough that he is afraid of new relationships and ceases to date altogether.

Repeated incidents of PE can leave a woman sexually and emotionally unfulfilled. Many women, though not all, are frustrated when their partner climaxes too quickly, ending the couple's lovemaking just as the woman was beginning to enjoy it. As a result, women will often avoid sex or avoid becoming aroused at all during sex so that they won't be disappointed when they are not satisfied.

Other women respond by feeling hurt, rejected or depressed. They may begin to associate intimacy with conflict, or they might see their partner's lack of control as a sign that he doesn't care about her needs for intimacy or sexual fulfillment.

Needless to say, when both partners are struggling with negative feelings that range from anxiety to disappointment, a relationship suffers. The couple start to withdraw from each other emotionally, nurture ill feelings or blame the other for the problem.

If you are concerned that you may have this sexual dysfunction, ask yourself a few questions. Do you ejaculate less than three minutes after the onset of penetration? Can you not predict the moment of your ejaculation? Do you worry excessively about your sexual performances? Has your problem of control existed since the beginning of your sexual life? If you have answered yes to at least two of these questions, you suffer from PE.

Sexual therapists, such as Dr. Ruth, analyze the possible causes of the sexual dysfunction, but most theories are attributed to one's first sexual encounters.

A boy matures sexually at the age of 13 or 14, when his sexual drive and tensions are at their very peak. Nature's way of relieving that bodily pressure is through nocturnal emissions, or wet dreams, but unfortunately it isn't adequate to de-pressurize, so most young men masturbate.

Young men are afraid of getting caught or they may feel guilty, so they masturbate very rapidly. With repetition, this "timetable" becomes imprinted into your subconscious and carried over to your lovemaking years later. Another cause of PE is if you practice withdrawal as a method of contraception.

Treatment ranges from simple self-help techniques often prescribed by sex therapists or experimental remedies such as psychotherapy and drugs such as Prozac and Anafranil.

One self-help technique is the "start-stop" technique which consists of a series of exercises starting with self-stimulation and ending with intercourse, to gradually increase ejaculatory control. Another is the "squeeze" technique which includes similar exercises as in the "start-stop" technique, but ejaculation is controlled by applying pressure to the top and bottom of the penis. Thrusting and positioning techniques also exist in addition to mental work. You can find information on all of these methods at Borders book stores.

Dr. Ruth said, "A great many men think that they are the only ones suffering from this." They are not.

Jennifer McKean is a junior majoring in journalism.