By Erin McCusker
Arizona Daily Wildcat
March 30, 1998

UA alumna to help grieving students

After her boyfriend died three years ago, a UA alumna is now sharing her story in the comfort of her home with others who have also suffered a loss.

Jill Sugarman, who graduated from the University of Arizona with a psychology degree in December 1996, said the March 1995 death of her boyfriend, Jeff Sehler, 21, inspired her to open the Center for Transformational Healing. The center is a non-profit support center for people ages 18 to 40 who are experiencing grief caused by a death.

"It helps to have people hear your story," Sugarman said. "It seems like people get answers from each other's stories."

Six months after Sehler was killed in a surfing accident off the California coast, another close friend of Sugarman's was killed by a drunken driver.

"When my friend died, I hardly cried," she said. "I became totally detached from my body. People put up a shield when they experience a loss."

Last winter, Sugarman sent out proposals to former UA President Manuel Pacheco and the Campus Health Service's Counseling and Psychological Services asking for a grieving center to be funded and organized at the UA.

After her proposal was rejected by the university, Sugarman was contacted by Children to Children, a local grieving center for children ages 3 to 18. Staff members from Children to Children and the Center for Attitudinal Healing, a bereavement center in Sausilito, Calif., helped Sugarman organize the Center for Transformational Healing.

"When people share their grieving experiences, everyone helps each other. It's the power of being witnessed. You connect and pull each other up," Sugarman said.

Sugarman's healing group centers around sharing and expressing one's self, taking risks, accepting feelings, healing, connecting unconditionally and trust. At the Center for Transformational Healing, group members are ensured confidentiality and the ability to pass up a discussion, she said.

Sugarman's group of two men and three women, ages ranging from ages 18 to 25, met for the first time March 10. She said although it was the first meeting, she sensed "a lot of healing" among the group members.

The meeting opened with a short playing of music, followed by a reading of the basic principles of the center and an open discussion, she said.

The principles of the center include love as one of the most important things in life, health as inner peace, the duration and intensity of grief being unique to the individual and healing as a process, Sugarman said.

A death can affect a student academically, physically and spiritually, she said.

UA students have their own ideas about death and the healing process.

"I don't think death has to do with forgiving the person," said Kristyn Cullen, an anthropology junior. "It takes time to accept it, but part of dealing with death is realizing that you can't just have positive experiences.

"For some, the center could be a stepping stone for dealing with grief," Cullen added.

"My best friend's mom died last semester, and at Colorado State at Boulder, where she goes to school, they have a grieving center," said Katy McNeill, an undeclared freshman. "It really helped her to talk to people going through the same experience.

"Unless someone else is going through the same experience, it's hard for people to relate. Any support that you have helps," she added.

The Center for Transformational Healing will meet April 7, then every other Tuesday. There is no fee, although donations are accepted. Interested people must be interviewed before attending, and can call 628-8869 for more information.