It's fun to be an atheist!

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Summer Wildcat Brad Wallace

Ah, the joys of summertime: scorching heat and unpredictable monsoons. Tucson's rapid weather changes are enough to make this atheist question his grand schema of rationality. Then again, what creator would make a world where it would rain so hard, so infrequently AND give me a leaky roof? Certainly not a benevolent one anyway.

This brings us to the crux of the matter: being atheist in America in our modern age of religious zealotry and rightist politics. There's nothing more fun than being atheist in America, unless it's being a Christian in Iraq. Former President George Bush went so far to say at a 1992 fund-raising dinner that "Atheists are not American citizens." Thus freed of my obligations to the United States of America, I've begun plans to emigrate to Mexico, where atheist or not, I can live for $2.38 a day - including beer, cigarettes and a live-in maid.

I can't even see an end-of-the-world summer movie without being forced to sit through scenes in which characters spout carefully-worded praises to a higher power. It's enough that I have to pay $8 to the Tucson movie monopoly company, and then sit through a commercial for God, almost as if there were not television channels dedicated to singing God's praise, and coincidentally extorting money from helpless old folks and Midwesterners.

God is on our money, for Christ's sake! Not to mention the Pledge of Allegiance, Bibles in courtrooms and the entire Southeast! I grow so tired of hearing rants on television (and in college newspapers) in which some Christian is pained beyond words that someone somewhere said something disparaging his or her religion. The last thing in the world that your run-of-the-mill atheist wants to do is argue with some Christian. We have serious work, like sacrificing virgins and dark ceremonies, to concern ourselves with.

Lest this column be seen as attacking religion (which would result in my body being found on campus with WWJD carved into my forehead), I can attest to having met some remarkable theists who transcend the norm of hypocrisy and intolerance - people who live lives that are examples to all. Religion has had some very positive effects on humankind, and we only had to have a couple dozen bloody wars to earn them.

Atheism is a belief in the inherent order of the universe, a belief that our world is best interpreted through a clear lens of reason. Speaking for myself, that includes an acknowledgment that it is most reasonable to treat other people well, as people have a tendency to bite and claw when mistreated. Of course, non-theistic viewpoints tend to lend themselves to moral relativism, another one of the Religious Right's most feared enemies. If everything must be judged in its situational context, it's a lot harder to make blanket statements about correct moral decisions, much to the dismay of conservatives everywhere.

I had a moment of clarity last night, in the midst of the scenic drive from Phoenix to Tucson. Due to poor trip planning and a failure to look at the sky, I found myself surrounded by complete blackness and swirling rain, all zipping by at 75 mph. Relief came every few minutes when a lightening bolt would strike, and just for a split second, all would be lit and I could see the miles and miles of surrounding desert. Whether you believe that the lightning comes from gods frolicking on high, or just plain physics, the end result is the same: Once in a great while, just briefly, you can see the greater world to which we belong. Drive on, friends.

Brad Wallace is a molecular and cellular biology and creative writing senior.