By Zekiel Buchheit
Arizona Daily Wildcat
September 25, 1997

Lesbianism: Yet another male-forged shackle

Arizona Daily Wildcat Zekiel Buchheit

First, I want the attention from all the men reading. Let me pass this story by you. You are at a bar, or a party, or a little league game or wherever it is you go to get drunk, and you are having a great time. It's 1:36 a.m., you have had three or four thousand beers by your count, and you can still vividly remember where your boxers are (in the muffler of your friends VW Bug). So it's a pretty good night.

It's about this time when she appears, and dear God, is she gorgeous. If you could focus on her, she would become a Goddess in your eyes, being all that required for your adolescent fantasies.

And she's coming up to you.

"Hi," she says in that incredibly seductive voice that comes from having just smoked a pack of cigarettes from the wrong end (she's pretty baked too).

Your computer-like mind, sending incredibly happy, drunken, electric messages through your beer saturated blood - alcohol level 2.4 percent - quickly realizes that, hey, this works out pretty great. You don't even have to worry about taking off any boxers, and you suavely reply, "Hey."

Things are going great for the next couple of minutes, you and Jaqlin, or Janice, or Jennifer, you can't remember, seem to be hitting it off pretty well. You both share common experiences - hey, I threw up at the last football game too! - interests (sex), and beliefs (it has got to be at least three feet tall and have a section for ice at the top). It is at this point when the other person steps into the picture. You watch as two unidentifiable hands reach familiarly around the waist of your new woman, she giggles, they embrace and play a short, but extremely competitive game of tonsil-hockey - it's her girlfriend!

Just now all the guys have smiled. Why? Because the night has changed from simply "pretty good" to "the greatest night in the tenure of your existence."

This is the subject which I would like to explore today. To borrow the term from the film "Chasing Amy," today we enter the misty world of Lesbian Chic.

If we were to reverse the above story what would be the outcome? The two men would be on the ground clawing out their eyes after being maced by the girl for such a bizarre sexual come-on, I would be hunted down and killed for suggesting such an idea, and the gay community would picket my grave for weeks.

The lesbian story, while still insulting, is somehow far more acceptable. Why? Because of the lesbian chic: Lesbianism is no longer about complete independence from a male world, but now simply another example of women condoning and participating in a male fantasy. Women are lesbians or bisexual - though there no longer seems to be a difference - because men want them to be, not because it's "what they choose."

Before I get angry e-mail, let me state that I am sure that plenty of you are true man-hating dykes; I don't deny this. In fact I firmly believe that every girl that has ever broken up with me must, as well, have been secretly homosexual.

What I am saying here is, while gay men are still persecuted for their lifestyle, lesbians have almost been embraced and condoned, and I think that to a large extent it is because it satisfies a male fantasy. It's cute, and a turn-on, to see two pretty girls hold hands, because every guy will tell that no matter how far-fetched, it is possible that they both are doing this for you. Or as my friend put it when he witnessed some lesbians kissing at his church: "Hot."

And that's just it: Men, along with the male run media, have embraced lesbians (or so they wish) to such an extent that it has become an acceptable and in some cases a desired aspect of life. A lesbian coming out of the closet has just discovered more potential boyfriends than ever before. And to quote Howard Stern, "Lesbians equal ratings."

Heck, I'm just as bad as the next guy. I once dated a girl for a short time who was very much in love with me, and some other girl. This was great. I had the envy of everyone of my male friends, a potential letter to Playboy, and perhaps maybe even a film career ahead for me in the future. Don't tell me that she, or the other girl, were like this because it was "their way of life;" if even the remotest persecution were to have risen, they would have gone straight instantly, but due to my incredible moral support, and support of her lifestyle choice (Who am I to stop someone from living life the way they choose to?) she felt comfortable being this way.

Anyway, the point is that people seem to have a blurred perspective of what they are doing - is this for their benefit or for someone else's? - and I just want to see people happy in their lives doing what feels right for them. And if it happens to be some type of lesbian lifestyle that includes men, so be it, it's their life, and they can live it how they want. So long as they call me.

Ezekiel Buchheit is a freshman majoring in English.