By M. Stephanie Murray
Arizona Daily Wildcat
September 25, 1997

TV has run its course

Arizona Daily Wildcat

It has recently come to my attention that I watch too much TV.

The catalyst for this realization was the season premiere of "Beverly Hills, 90210." I was there from the beginning with this one, but in the past couple of years I have fought valiantly against being sucked back in. All it took was the last ten minutes of the premiere, stumbled upon accidentally. Kelly got shot; I could not look away.

I am a weak, weak soul.

I'm better now, though. I'm streamlining my TV habits. I've cut down to one "Dateline NBC" a week. I refuse to watch sitcoms that are not funny (such as "Caroline in the City" and "Ellen"). I've given up on MTV's "The Real World" and "Road Rules" because TV, that annoys is TV better left unwatched. I'm limiting myself to three, maybe four shows a week (with maybe a "Dateline" thrown in as a treat).

First and foremost, there's "Friends."

Yeah, I know how horrible it was there for a while, what with that Superbowl fiasco and all. But it got better.

Yeah, Chandler started to look like a heroin junkie or a Calvin Klein model there for a while. But he's better, too.

So the question is: Did Ross choose Bald Girl or hair-riffic Rachel?

To be honest, I don't care so much about this plot twist. I've always thought that Ross lays on the geek chic with a little too much self-aware irony. I'm half-hoping he won't choose Bald Girl just so I won't have to see that terrible fake bald head they put on her. (What, do they not have enough money to get a good skullcap?) But that Ross/Rachel combo was just not doing it for me.

Here's what I'd like to see: Ross and Rachel get back together, but she pulls out all the stops on the Bitchy Train and begins a season-long torment of Ross. Jennifer Aniston has the market cornered on cute, bitchy whining, and her Rachel should make the most of it.

(It has also been rumored that the Monica/Chandler thing hinted at in the season finale may resurface. I'm scared by this idea, but it should make for some good comedy. And as the two skinniest actors on the show (and isn't Monica a chef?), maybe they could be mealtime support buddies for each other.)

Next on my list of approved viewing options is "The Drew Carey Show." Last year I had to decide between watching this and "NewsRadio" (hang on, I'm getting there) and "NewsRadio" usually won because I didn't have Comedy Central and could no longer get my "Kids in the Hall" fix.

But now that the scheduling gods have smiled upon me, I can watch "Drew." The central plot point last year was the development of Buzz Beer (with caffeine added) and the assorted slogans it might carry. (My favorite was "Stay up and get drunk all over again!") Oh, but there is so much more. Come for the dance numbers, stay for the mockery.

Onto "NewsRadio." If I could play any character on television, I would play Beth on "NewsRadio." I was born to be the wacky secretary. Although I would also like to be Dave Foley's girlfriend. I don't know how close I'd like to be to Andy Dick, but he's really funny. God, I hope this show gets watched this year, or at least doesn't get canceled.

Please watch; Dave needs us.

(I'm not even going to mention "ER." I will watch it whether I plan to or not. Some things cannot be fought.)

Lastly, and comprising the educational portion of our discussion, is "Sister Wendy's Story of Painting." Yes, she sounds like the minister in "The Princess Bride," but that's not the point. The point is she shows us the most goddamned beautiful things we will ever see in our lives, and then explains them. Sad to say, the Renaissance happened a couple of weeks ago and you just missed Rembrandt and Velasquez. But Impressionism is coming up and I can't wait until Cubism. Watch, then go back to your pathetic and artless existence.

• "Friends"
  Thursday, 7 p.m.
  NBC, channel 4
• "The Drew
  Carey Show"
  Wednesday, 8 p.m.
  ABC, channel 9
• "NewsRadio"
  Tuesday, 7:30 p.m.
  NBC, channel 4
• "Sister Wendy's Story of Painting"
  Sunday, 9 p.m.
  PBS, channel 6