By Jennifer McKean
Arizona Daily Wildcat
September 30, 1997

Turning the other cheek

Chad Strawderman Arizona Daily Wildcat Jennifer McKean

Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten by a man." This fact is used widely in radio, TV and billboard ads. Violence against women is a matter of national importance, but why doesn't anyone ever ask how often men are beaten by women?

Unfortunately, the myth that only men initiate domestic abuse will prevail until we as a society can come to terms with the fact that domestic violence is the work of both men and women.

The Journal for the National Association of Social Workers did a study showing that among teen-agers who date, girls were more frequently violent than boys. The dreadful trend seems to carry over into adulthood. A survey conducted by the Children's Rights Coalition states, "Mothers abuse their children at a rate approaching twice that of fathers."

Half of all spousal murders are committed by wives. Many of us are still consumed with the O.J. Simpson gender-biased frenzy, including myself. Society and journalists often harp on the helpless, powerless victim of assault. It's almost always the woman you hear about in the papers or on the news.

Men are taught to "take it like a man." They are supposed to be stronger and bigger and tougher, right?

Men are ridiculed and made fun of when they reveal that they have been battered by a woman; therefore, women are nine times more likely to report their abusers to the authorities. Battered husbands have historically either been ignored or subjected to intense mockery. In 18th century France, a man who had fallen victim to spousal abuse was made to wear an outlandish outfit and ride backward around the village on a donkey.

Men can be overly insensitive when it comes to each other, for the simple fact that they are MEN! After all, King Kong, Godzilla, Tarzan, Hulk Hogan and G.I. Joe (though now there is Demi), are all male. The leading ladies often play the damsel in distress act, though realistically this is far from the truth.

Surprisingly, experts report that men are abused by a girlfriend or a wife more often than women by a husband or boyfriend.

These assaults are not usually sucker-punches or slaps to the face either. Male victims are pushed out windows after being kicked in the groin, beaten with hard objects and often assaulted with guns, knives and other paraphernalia. Women reported, in a survey funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, that they were more often the aggressors in arguments and violent dramas of victimization, using weapons to make up for the physical disadvantage.

A wife who beats her husband hasn't necessarily been beaten herself. Sometimes she is the victim; however, just as often, she will strike first. Radical feminists would love to blame the whole world and everything that happens in the course of life on men, but this view only contributes to this wide-spread misconception.

Despite all the incidences of female-on-male violence, many groups, including the broadcast and print media, actively try to suppress coverage of the issue. And when the topic of battered men is revealed, the woman is not shown as responsible for the abuse. In the recent CBS movie, "Men Don't Tell," for example, the abusive woman was clearly mentally ill - a fact that still made the viewer somewhat sympathetic to her.

The "battered wife syndrome" has become too common of a defense for women who have not been beaten because defense attorneys know that it plays into the heart of the juror.

A recent program that aired on ABC did discuss the brutal truth behind partner abuse. Some women were quoted as saying, "I know the fight is over when one of us is on the ground," and "I just kept beating him in the face with my shoe."

Specialists in the field say that most women that go into counseling actually perceive themselves to be battered women for the first five months they are in the support program. After the details of what actually goes on in their houses are exposed, the female offenders start to say, "Oh I did that. I burned everything he owned. I destroyed everything that was important to him." Eighty percent of these women are raised in abusive homes.

He loves her and he chooses to risk getting injured instead of leaving her, even if it means accepting her pushing, shoving and scratching. If they do divorce, the man will frequently lose custody of his children, even though his wife may be the abuser.

It is a tragedy for society to function under the myth that men exclusively initiate domestic abuse. In order to make a difference in this world, we have to start somewhere, and that place is the truth. Men are just as much at risk for spousal abuse as women are.

Battered women deserve all of the help and understanding in the world, in order to allow them to break away and begin an independent, healthy lifestyle. Men are entitled to the same compassion, the same support programs and the same rights under the law as battered women are.

Perhaps those men who escape the violence can learn a lesson from the new public awareness of abused women. "You don't have to stick around and take it."

Jennifer McKean is a junior majoring in journalism.