By Jill Dellamalva
Arizona Daily Wildcat
December 1, 1997

1997: The Year's Most Ridiculous Stories

Arizona Daily Wildcat Jill Dellamalva

The worst storms. Hollywood's top-grossing movies.

The court cases that kept you feeling like you were turning the pages of a Tom Clancy novel.

Yes, it's getting close to the end of the year, and soon the television and news media will be bombarding you with a year-end rewind of 1997. Not to be outdone by the mega news organizations, I present to you my choice of the three most ridiculous stories of the year. Let's count them down.

Most Ridiculous Award #3:

This award goes to the media's coverage of "Prom Mom" Melissa Dressler. Publicizing Dressler's story had about the same affect on young girls as the affect of reading Internet instructions of "How to Build a Bomb" would have on young Ted Kaczynski wannabes. In other words, as girls heard about the Prom Mom, newspapers became jammed with developing stories about dead babies found in rivers, lakes, garbage bags, Dumpsters, etc.

The media always has a knack of sensationalizing news to the point where it makes certain members of the public go out and create similar stories. It's like a big circle. Create news, air news, create, air ...

It's happening as you read this. Honestly. Why, just two weeks ago 19-year-old Marianne Biancuzzo, accused of giving birth to a daughter, drowning her in a toilet, wrapping her in a flannel shirt and stuffing her head first into a 3-pound coffee can, surrendered to the Tucson Police Department. Need I say more? Oh yes, I forgot to mention that her younger brother found the baby under the bathroom sink. I'll just let that fact speak for itself.

On to Most Ridiculous Award #2:

Have you noticed the re-emergence of weight-loss plans this year? There's always a new discovery, a new system, a new diet, a new pill, a new exercise, a new formula. But all that's really new is the con.

Recently, when the FDA raised health concerns about the popular diet formula Fen-Phen, users of this drug barraged their congressmen with letters stating that something should be done about the abuses of the FDA. The drug, which curbs appetites, is now known to cause heart valve disorders in many who have taken it over a period of six months. It's pretty sad that there's probably some people out there that are still willing to take a drug that also causes brain damage in lab animals.

"I lost 62 pounds in 30 days."

"I was on this plan for 10 days and lost 14 pounds."

"I went from a size 16 to a size 6 in 25 days."

Please.

All of these claims are phony endorsements used by companies to make a buck. Look at the TV ads. Do you honestly think that the actresses who claim to have lost "x" amount of pounds were ever really overweight? Did you ever notice how the "before picture" is always small and shown at a distance? While this picture is flashed on the screen for a millisecond, the "after picture" is a close up and shown for a much longer time. Why? Because it's often not the same person in both pictures.

Sure, laugh and say "duh!" But then why do Americans still spend $33 billion a year on diet plans?

Most Ridiculous Award #1:

And first prize goes to - (Oh, come on, you can guess this one. It's like you always know "Thriller" will be No. 1 on the MTV Top 100 '80s videos).

That's right. The award goes to the biggest story of the decade - America's obsession with Princess Diana.

I know, everyone is sick of hearing about this (at least I am). Every time I try to watch my local forecast on the Weather Channel, the commercial about ordering Princess Diana postage stamps airs. Do you know that if you order now, you will receive the free airmail stamp with her picture on it?

Again, please.

Princess Diana was a very charitable woman, a hero to many. But if the general public is so concerned with finding heroes, then why would stamps portraying land mine victims probably not sell?

So there you have it: the sad state of news, and the sad state of all of us who watch it. Here we come 1998.

Jill Dellamalva is a junior majoring in creative writing and journalism.