By Jamie Kanter
Arizona Daily Wildcat
January 22, 1998

Chimps ahoy: The plight of space primates

Arizona Daily Wildcat Jamie Kanter

There must be some pretty wacky folks over at NASA. They have decided to send 77-year-old John Glenn, the nation's oldest astronaut, back into space. NASA apparently wants to see how the elderly handle space travel. While this "recycled astronaut" mission seems a triumph for NASA and Glenn, there are certain other space travelers who are not getting a second chance.

The U.S. Air Force's "astrochimps" are being tossed out of the space program and into an uncertain future wrought with potential peril. The chimpanzees are labeled as "surplus to requirements," taking up room that could be used for other purposes. The Air Force has placed the chimps on the auction block, simply waiting for the right bid before they ship them away like so much cargo. But they were once vital members of the space exploration team.

Ham, the world's first chimp in space, paved the way for chimps and humans alike in his travels through space. Only after two chimps ventured into space did John Glenn make his historic flight. These primates assured skeptics that space travel was possible, that a life could be sustained in a small spaceship. They were true pioneers in space exploration.

Of course, the job was not all fun and games. Some of the primates were not used in actual space travel; rather, they remained on the ground to test various stressors of space travel. Some were tied into ejection seats. Others sped down runways in rocket-powered sleds. Still others were subjects in sleep deprivation experiments, injected with caffeine to see what would happen in the long term. So there were some drawbacks in addition to the glory.

To put this in context, travel back in time with me to the late 1980s A maturing, post-"Ferris" Matthew Broderick joined Helen Hunt and lots of chimpanzees in a film called "Project X." The movie explored the plight of these very same "astrochimps" and their various "uses" in experimentation. Anyone who has seen "Project X" will certainly remember the pain and suffering of those poor chimps. The actual Air Force experiments sound fairly similar to those in the movie.

And now the Air Force wants to toss away the cute little creatures which it tortured for years in the name of science. Of course, the chimps will certainly be safe in the hands of the highest bidder, right? After all, why would you pay for the chimps (around $10 million for the 144 chimpanzees) and not protect them?

Well, it seems like that is exactly what's going to happen. The only bidder who has stepped forward with enough money to cover the transaction is a biomedical researcher named Frederick Coulston. He wants the chimps to further assist him in his deadly virus experiments, exposing them to AIDS, hepatitis and Hanta-virus. It really sounds like this guy cares about the well-being of the chimps.

Oh, did I forget to mention Mr. Coulston's $40,000 fine for mistreatment of primates in his care? And did I say that his practice has been a "concern for the USDA and a number of other parties," according to an Air Force official? And then there was the part where Coulston claimed that nicotine is not addictive and that AIDS is a silly disease whose sufferers should be quarantined.

This Coulston character sounds like the stereotypical evil scientist, twirling his curly little mustache and cackling as if completely mad. Just a thought, but maybe he isn't the best character with whom to leave the treasured pioneers of space travel. We sure as hell wouldn't leave John Glenn is his care.

This country is supposed to value outstanding individual efforts. We applaud those who advance the cause of science, who provide us with new insight into our lives. We venerate astronauts such as Glenn, Aldrin and Lovell, but we forget about the little people (or the little, furry quasi-people) that really allow scientific knowledge to forge ahead.

We cannot afford to simply toss them away like so many banana peels.

Somebody could slip.

Jamie Kanter is a senior majoring in Spanish and psychology. His column, "On the Flip Side," appears every other Thursday.