By Jamie Kanter
Arizona Daily Wildcat
February 5, 1998

Lewinsky exposed: The naked truth about Monica

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat Jamie Kanter

So, the president's in the midst of a sex scandal. At least all is status quo in the White House.

Bill Clinton has had his share of scandals during his tenure as leader of the free world. From Gennifer Flowers to Paula Jones, it seems that sexual misconduct follows "Slick Willie" wherever he goes. He just can't keep his hands off or his pants on.

But I don't really want to discuss the president right now. We all know that he is capable of philandering and harassing, cat-calling and grabbing. This Monica Lewinsky is a bit more intriguing at this point.

After all, she is the innocent White House intern who was seduced into a web of lies by the most powerful man in the country. She entered the intern program as a virginal, pure-as-the-driven-snow sort of girl and came out as tarnished goods. Poor Monica.

Or so says the media. Reporters cry out that this poor little girl got in over her head and just couldn't resist the charms and pressures of the devil himself. They ask the American public to embrace the unwitting victim of Bill Clinton's indiscretions. They paint her as the guileless prey and Clinton as the unyielding predator.

I say that this whole situation is a steamy helping of bubbling horse excrement.

Monica Lewinsky is anything but harmless. And she certainly isn't as innocent as the press would lead us to believe. Lewinsky has a history of "interesting" sexual conquests and is known to enjoy the spotlight comfortably resting on her sexual exploits.

Let's look at Lewinsky's drama teacher, for instance. After the scandal broke and we all rushed to poor Monica's defense, the drama teacher told us of the five-year affair that he had with Lewinsky. Now, I may not be a mathematical genius, but I'll try to figure this one out: she was 21 when she entered the White House; the five-year affair ended before that time; Lewinsky was, at the most, 16 years old when she began having sex with the drama teacher. Hmmm ...very interesting.

In an enigmatic comment to said drama teacher, Lewinsky apparently mentioned that her trip to Washington included more than a mere internship. Lewinsky wanted to obtain a pair of "presidential kneepads." You figure it out.

Of course, the teacher could be lying just to milk some attention out of this national story. That wouldn't surprise any of us. While we're on the subject of lying, why don't we take a look at Ms. Lewinsky's record on that subject.

Many people think that Monica and the president had some sort of sexual relationship. Lewinsky denied that relationship under oath. If she did, indeed, have sex with the president, then she is a liar. If she did not have sex with the president, but said that she did (a supposed statement on these mysterious tapes), then she is a liar. Either way, she is a liar.

I am ready to admit that a sexual relationship may have existed between President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. If it did, however, we are blaming the wrong party for the indiscretion. We keep telling ourselves that Clinton seduced the intern, but it is just as plausible that she seduced him. She had a thing for older guys (e.g., the drama teacher), was searching for those elusive "presidential kneepads," and knew that Clinton had a weakness for women. It sounds like she seduced him, if anything.

Lewinsky was so desperate to get Clinton's attention that she wore low-cut outfits to the White House. According to one of the intern supervisors, Lewinsky was even sent home to change on one occasion because her outfit was just too racy and revealing. What a sweet, innocent child.

To polish off her spotless image, I think that Lewinsky should accept a recent offer by Penthouse magazine editor, Bob Guccione. Mr. Guccione announced on national TV that he is ready to give Lewinsky $2 million for her exclusive story and a "tasteful" photo spread with "mild nudity." Lewinsky has already shown herself to be a deceiving sexual piranha, so she might as well associate with those who understand her. Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones made it into Penthouse; why should Monica be left out?

If we're lucky, she may even wear one of her revealing White House outfits.

Poor Bill Clinton never had a chance.

Jamie Kanter is a senior majoring in Spanish and psychology. His column, "On the Flip Side," appears every other Thursday.