Don't hate me because I'm smart

Arizona Daily Wildcat Erin Kirsten Stein

I am very tired. My eyes are red and I have blisters on my feet and my back is killing me, but I go on. I'm writing this column, then I'll do my French homework, then I'll do my Shakespeare homework, then I'll go to class, then I'll work out (this may or may not actually happen), then I'll do some media arts homework with my group over the phone, then I'll read some art history and collapse into bed.

It's a light evening.

I am an overachiever in the worst sense of the word. My heart drops at an 89 percent, and I consider suicide at 79 percent. Receiving a B in a class causes nightmares and my GPA can never be too high. I have actually read an entire book on copy editing and I compulsively edit everything I read. Do you know how many typos there are in Stephen King books?

All overachievers, myself included, like to extol their achievements, but would never admit to being vain about them. Instead, my brethren and I will give you a litany of all the work we must do and how much we've already done.

Now, to prove my overachiever status, I must bore you for a paragraph or so . . . ready?

I graduated third in my high school class, received a five on both my AP exams, and won four scholarships for college - one of which was a National Merit Scholarship.

I will only be at U of A for a total of four years, but I will graduate with two bachelor's degrees - one is a double major and the other is an interdisciplinary studies. This is my sixth semester here and I already have over 100 credits. Heck, this semester alone I have 25 credits.

So you see, I am serious about school and I am a masochist.

But for all my scholastic achievement, I don't think it's good enough. We overachievers strive for perfection and unless we win the Nobel prize for Peace, Literature and Physics, we're not satisfied.

I won the National Merit, but I didn't win the Flinn. I have a 3.812 GPA but it's not a 4.0. I may have 25 credits and work at the paper, but I also just agreed to do some costume sketches for a student film.

Oh yeah, and I have a boyfriend. I see him every once in a while.

Being an overachiever is all about biting off more than you can chew and then swallowing it without puking it back up.

But I'm just talking scholastic achievement of the brainiac kind. I was the kid in class who everyone else tried to copy off of. This doesn't mean I'm smarter than other people (although I have grand illusions to the contrary) but it does mean that I know how to play school. I can cram for a test the night before and get an A, no sweat. I can churn out a paper, on anything, in just a couple hours the night before and get an A. I have perfected these skills over many years.

My high school algebra teacher saw me doing the homework for that night during class and told me I have good "time management skills."

One more thing about us overachievers, we love to be teachers' pets. We'll say it's a derogatory term, but when professors praise us, we preen, we glow, we bask in the warmth of approval. Because that's really what it's about. Our egos are incredibly delicate.

We want approval.

From our parents, our teachers and ourselves.

So if you're sitting in class looking at the quiz you flunked and a girl leans over to whisper, "What'd you get on the quiz? I only got a 95! I hate this class!" you might want to check her ID for the honors sticker on the back.

Just try not to wince and nod with a phony smile.

"Good girl."

Erin Kirsten Stein has far too many majors and she wants you all to know that she did, in fact, work out. Her column "Shaken, Not Stirred" appears every other Tuesday.