Freshmen, I'm glad I'm not you

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat Amanda J. Feuerman

They seem smaller somehow, smaller than we were. Everything is new to them, and we grin, knowing what they have to look forward to. The story that lies ahead.

The poor unsuspecting souls...

The plot thickens. Imagine how it's been for them. Did any of them think they'd be tripled up in rooms or singled out for a new residence hall smack in the middle of Greek row?

I can just picture eager frat boys in line, ready for the picking, as 55 eager freshman ladies are unloaded into the new Pima Residence Hall. Yeah, sure, how'd you like to be the one getting the letter that said you were living in THERE? That's about as exciting as putting dozens of horny heterosexual males in Cochise... Who wants that?

Who hopes for THAT their freshman year?

And what freshman would hope to be tripled up in Arizona-Sonora? And why the freshmen? They're new to campus; scared, confused and possibly shy. Sure, throw them into a room with two new people. Let "the new kids on the block" deal with it.

What makes a sophomore so special? A junior? A senior?

And the room at Arizona-Sonora, split in half, is designed to accommodate four people to begin with. The lucky freshman will be the one who claims the half with the single bed all to himself. Pity to the two crowded into the side with the bunks.

I can see vivid images of frantic freshman running for the rooms, tripping, falling, shouting in a mad rush for the choice side.

Oops. Looks like someone made a mistake. Damn. Sorry. Hate when that happens. I just hate when there are more students than beds. Such a bummer.

I hate when a few freshman have to be put up at the Plaza Hotel because they're waiting to see if anything opens for them. (And what if it doesn't?) I hate when 55 rookies are thrown into the Greek scene and freshmen, and only freshmen, have to be tripled up. Well, I hate that - but just imagine how the freshmen feel.

When Suzy pairs off with Lizzy, imagine how Kimi must feel being the third wheel on a bike.

And how much fun will it be when the parties start, when initiation is underway, and 55 girls have to actually maintain some semblance of a decent grade point average in their frat house turned residence hall? And how do the sororities and fraternities feel with 55 wide-eyed strangers on their turf?

So are there any advantages? Can overcrowding be made out to seem like a good thing?

Ah, yes, there is nothing like my roommate's alarm clock going off at 8 a.m. when my class starts at noon. Oh, wait, but there is something like it - my other roommate's alarm clock going off at 9!

And it only gets better! Have you ever seen three frantic girls trying to get ready for a Saturday night? Clothes everywhere, makeup everywhere - it's truly a sight to behold.

The guys have it no easier. When Tommy brings Nikki back to the room, now Johnny and Mikey have to find somewhere else to go. That's two rooms that will now have an extra roomie for the night.

Oh, wait, I was trying to think of the advantages....

I don't know about you, but I am thanking my lucky stars I am a second year resident right now and that I am safe behind the walls of my strictly double-room residence hall.

I enjoyed my freshman year and the simplicity it involved. I have no envy for the freshmen of 1998. I have only this to say to them: Good luck. May the force be with you... And God help you when you have to pee; thanks to overcrowding, the toilets are all in use.

Amanda J. Feuerman is a sophomore "as undecided as they get" about a major. Her column, Swimming with Sharks, appears every Monday.