Suddenly Single

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat Christina A. Livingston

I'm often mistaken for my younger traditional counterparts. People guess that I'm five years younger than my actual age simply because they know I attend a university. This often sets me up Friday night "date potential."

Not that I mind - it's flattering. But it's a little hard to jump into the dating pool after spending nine years with one person.

I'm suddenly single.

"Single" is a word I often have to say aloud to remind myself that I am no longer bound to a person.

I am now my own person.

Then the other word creeps in - "parent."

I may have been able to separate myself from one person, but there are two smaller people that need me and that also make that leap into the dating pool much harder. I have to look into the eyes of a guy who had to gather up the courage to ask me out in the first place and say, "No, and its not you, I have kids."

While responses vary, the primary response is: "Oh, I didn't know." After an awkward apology, they tend to give a generic good-bye and leave.

Once in a while I'll find a guy who doesn't seem bothered by the "obstacle." He finds my honesty refreshing. Sometimes, he'll even ask about my kids, what happened to their dad and if Friday night isn't good, when is?

I find this equally refreshing.

This is the kind of guy who can understand a single mom's schedule is tight and significant others may not receive a deluge of attention.

A relationship?

Who has time?

School, job, kids, homework, a struggling writing career, etc. I'm lucky to find time for lunch in the middle of the day.

Limited free time allows me to make friends with the understanding guys - the ones who don't mind that I have kids. Walking to class with them gives me 10 minutes to talk. It's easier for me to sit on my patio as my kids play outside and talk on the phone than it is to find the opportunity to sit and chat at the coffee shop.

Then, of course, I have other things to consider.

How will he get along with the kids?

I'm not planning to get married again. But anyone I bring into my life - even casually - becomes a part of their life, too.

Single parents must exercise caution in choosing partners.

My kids have already lost the fixture of their dad in their daily lives and they become attached to my friends. If I should add another person to the equation and that doesn't work out, how will the kids handle another loss?

All things have to be weighed, all angles have to be looked at and often it is better to keep the relationship at a friendship level.

When someone is interesting enough and the pieces seem to fall into place, then it is worth hiring the baby sitter and going out on a "real" date.

The major difference between my traditional counterpart and myself is that at the end of the night, my last kiss will usually end up on the forehead of my sleeping children.

Christina Livingston is a creative writing junior and mother of two preschoolers.